Neil Celeb Gossip

Sabbatical

2009-03-16T01:38:00.005-04:00

I think it's time for me to take a break and reevaluate my zeal for celebrity gossip before I become completely irrelevant. Goodbye, indefinitely.

Peace & Love,
Corneilius

Merica Top Model Arrests, Injuries... Snuggies, Puking, Tracy Morgan. Paternity ID4

2009-03-15T02:55:00.005-04:00

this is hilarious. bout to copy paste. this poste mike make no sense.

NEW YORK — Three people were arrested and six others hurt Saturday after bedlam broke out while they waited to audition for "America's Next Top Model," police said.

Police didn't know what prompted the chaos involving hundreds of people outside the Park Central New York hotel in Manhattan. The panic left the street outside the hotel littered with shoes and clothing, according to news reports.

"It was pretty scary," Jessica Paravati told WNYW-TV. She said she was caught up in a stampede after waiting on line overnight, hoping for a shot at stardom on the reality show.

Two women and a man were arrested on disorderly conduct charges, police said. Authorities also shut down the audition, saying it wasn't properly organized.

Four injured people declined treatment, while two others were taken to a hospital, the fire department said. Their conditions weren't immediately available.

The phone rang unanswered at the hotel, and representatives for The CW Network, which airs the show, didn't immediately return calls.

The model competition is hosted by supermodel Tyra Banks, who also serves as its executive producer. The current season began March 4.

Her agent and publicist didn't immediately return telephone calls.

Banks has said she created the show to counter stereotypes about beauty, and Saturday's auditions were open only to women no taller than 5-foot-7, which is shorter than the industry's conventions.where is this girl's vagina? where is this guy's penis? do you think this is cool? do you think this alt cool? do you htink this is twween alt keut? do like no privates? are you asecxual? is society becoming asexual. are prirates becoming irrelevant? i mean privates,

asexuality.org don't support the cause

Jack White Forms New Band with Harder, Hotter Chick

2009-03-13T00:01:00.002-04:00

rectangle guitars are cool and hip

Jack White's new band called The Dead Weather. Listen here for snaky rhythms. He plays drums. Do you like? via

ok, so new bandmate Allison Mosshart isn't really that hot. just really cool and hip, especialy in top hats.

so instead, here's some random hot girl whose jpg has been on my desktop for a long time. not sure why.

aus_kforscutt.jpg
guess her name is K Forscutt, from Australia.

Jim Cramer is (an Idiot) on The Daily Show Tonight

2009-03-12T13:58:00.008-04:00

Jim Cramer is going on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart tonight and it's going to be AWESOME. if you haven't been keeping up with the whole Stewart-Cramer/CNBC drama i've posted all the needed videos (in reverse chronological order) to catch up... including the latest of Jimbob on Martha Stewart seen here.

ANCHOR WAR preview (wed. March 11th)

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Tomorrow's Jim Cramer Battle

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

In Cramer We Trust (Mon. March 9)

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

In Cramer We Trust

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

Cramer whines on Today Show (tues. March 10th)

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Jon on David Letterman (thu. March 5) - Fast Forward to 4:59

The Orginal that started it all (wed. March 4th)

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=220252&title=cnbc-gives-financial-advice

This Condition Raids Rooms on Room Raiders 2.0

2009-03-09T15:16:00.004-04:00

Anthony Gets Help From His Band Mates ...

Room Raiders - MTV Shows

http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/345083/christinas-room.jhtml#id=1605857

Get this: an insider from This Condition tells me ROOM RAIDERS is completely scripted! ALL FAKE!

UPDATE: just click the goddarn link cuz embed isn't workin'

Welcome to The Pitt

2009-03-09T00:32:00.005-04:00

i dont play videogames anymore (because i'm too mature[and bc some douche stole all my xbox games last year])

BUT ... Bethesda is releasing this awesome looking video game later this month for Xbox that "allows you to travel to the post-apocalyptic remains of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and become embroiled in a conflict between slaves and their Raider masters."

BOOOYEAH! i'm totally buying this. wait. shit. i dont have a 360. fuck.

Local TV Station Awkwardly Makes Conan O'Brien Hold Steelers Jersey

2009-03-06T00:02:00.001-05:00

Then, WPXI made him hang out with Steely McBeam

Pose with 500 hundred WPXI employees, including Penny Finnegan

And wrapped it up with Pgh city council president naming June 1st Conan O'Brien day. WTF

WPXI asked him if he'd ever do a show in Pittsburgh. He replied, "Uh yes, I'd consider doing a show in Pittsburgh, it seems like a great town, lot of enthusiasm here? Uhh... there might be a little problem finding celebrity guests. We could probably get Jeff Goldblum for 3 of the 5 shows ..."

Flaming Lips: Arcade Fire is a Fugly Slut

2009-03-05T00:34:00.011-05:00

This shit is all over those really hip music blogs (like dis one, or dis one). Warning: only proceed if you're interested in The Flaming Lips and Arcade Fire (and if you're not, you can just block this webaddress permanently because I don't want your tasteless, mainstream eyes on my writing again [jkjk lul! {sort of}]).

About 5 and a 1/2 hours ago, as I write this, Rolling Stone's Smoking Section blog broke open some new high-school music drama. And no, I'm not talking about High School the Musical... sorry (maybe more on Vanessa Hudgens later).

*of age*

This time, RS quoted a private phone conversation with Wayne Coyne, leader of The Flaming Lips, where he says 1) the Arcade Fire are a bunch of pompous pricks, 2) they don't deserve the credit they get, and 3) they treat their fans like shit. And he drops in some big 'ol "fuck you"s in there for fun.

Within hours, Win Butler, leader of Arcade Fire, responded on his website with a i'm-going-to-be-more-mature-about-this response, citing that Wayne only met the band once and how Wayne is wont to put his foot in his mouth after criticizing other artists (see Wayne's 2oo3 opinion of Verve, Beck, and Radiohead).

So who wins?

I think no one. Because this is dumb. I can't wait for when i'm famous and Perez hilton is quoted on a private phone conversation saying i'm a prick. I can't wait to write that response! WOOT

FYI i hate perezhilton. i will try to never mention his name again. don't go to his site. he's an idiot.

i am much less of an idiot. obviously. just look at the design of this website. only a genius could... i digress.

Britney Spears Boobie Tassels

2009-03-04T00:33:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKhHfTMKIOQ

Brit brit looks good.

Lookin' Round the Room, I Can Tell That You

2009-03-03T22:54:00.007-05:00

Are the most beautiful girl in the -- room

In the whole wide room

And when you're on the street

Depending on the street
I bet you are definitely in the top three
Good looking girls on the street

You're so beautiful
You could be a waitress
You're so beautiful
You could be an air hostess in the 60s
You're so beautiful
You could be a part time model

(mp3) FOTC - The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room

Rachel Ray Makes Me Feel Icky

2009-03-02T17:24:00.005-05:00

Not only is Rachel Ray the most f'ing annoying person ever to grace a cooking show, but tonight she is doing the pleasure of spreading her annoyingness (and fugliness) to primetime television on ... ya know, i'm not even going to tell you, i don't want to accidentally promote this event.

Why do I even know this? She's the No. 1 google trend. Why? Because she is STILL f'ing talking about how she posed in FHM five years ago. Why do any of you googlers want to see her half naked?!?!? Are you fucking CRAZY? Fully clothed rachel ray makes me want to vomit enough as it is.

Ughgg. all right .whatever. here...

****WARNING... the following photos might make you feel icky, creepy, and perhaps asexual for a few moments/permanently, that is if you're not already part of the 1% (see Pitt Hosts Asexual Speaker).

Sorry I made you look at that.

and if you don't hate her as much as i do, trust me, you will in slow motion:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uG4ev4xo3Ow

Conan Gives the Late Night Pickle to Fallon

2009-03-02T16:05:00.007-05:00

The ceremonious passing of the Late Night pickle from Conan O'Brien to Jimmy Fallon, will take full effect tonight at 12:35am as The Roots start crackin' and Lil Jim-bo saunters on stage. The giant pickle brings a lot of comedic responsibility, being originally passed from David Letterman to Conan O'Brien back during the 1993 takeover.

Jim-john's got a nice lineup for his first night, with Robert Dinero, Justin Timberlake (don't worry, not singing), and Van Morrison (BE EXCITED, HE IS SINGING... astral weeks to be specific).

I think I will like this Fallon show. Mostly because in an interview with The Daily Beast, Jim said he doesn't ever want to have Kanye West perform on his show. How astute, Jimmo.

Jimmy jim jom went on saying, "I don’t just want indie bands either. I want country-and-western. I want classical. As long as they’re interesting."

Cool, Jim. Maybe The Roots will be collaborating on stage with Van ...

On top of The Roots rockin' the house every show (?uest Love will supposedly be live tweeting too, right here) Jimmay says he's added a "mosh-pit area for 'the kids,' who will be allowed to come down onto the set from the audience when a musical guest or band is playing ... It’s time to see what kids look like again.”

YEAH! wait... what... kids... look like again? What the hell are you talking about, Jim.

New Wilco Due in June

2009-02-26T21:37:00.006-05:00

Worthy news, and I have to say I'm rather excited to see if they have stopped being pansies (see Sky Blue Sky). Some guy at Rolling Stone listened to the new untitled album at Wilco's studio in Chicago and wrote, "Let's just say the record is sick!"

Will it be the next Yankee Hotel Foxtrot? I have my doubts. Especially after sampling five of the tracks compiled by youaintnopicasso (all various live performances over the past year er so). They sound good, but ain't no Foxtrot -- I want to hear the experimentation and adventure. The live mp3s are preliminary recordings I guess, so what do I know. Perhaps I'll be pleasantly surprised when it comes out.

Fun Fact: Wilco recorded the album in New Zealand (you may remember when they were there).

Vader Project @ The Warhol

2009-02-26T19:50:00.006-05:00

The other day I downloaded Star Wars Icons for my mactop and people have been calling me a nerd. But I think it looks cool. I also think The Vader Project looks cool.

The exhibit's premiere is this Saturday, Feb. 28 and runs till May 3rd at The Andy Warhol Museum.

They "gathered 100 contemporary artists. Each artist was given a 1:1 scale authentic prop replica of the actual Darth Vader helmet used in the STAR WARS™ films. Each helmet served as a blank slate for each artist to paint, design, mash up and customize."

It looks pretty rad. Get your hands on a Pitt ID and you're in for free. And rumor has it youtube celeb Star Wars Kid might be there.

Brazen Careerist: Get off Your Ass, and Go on an Adventure

2009-02-25T16:39:00.008-05:00

... like on a Search for Shakira.

ARTICLE 2: "If You're Stuck, Take an Adventure"

by Penelope Trunk

"If you’re out of work, or your job is so annoying that you wish you were out of work, then it’s time to take an adventure. Some might say that an adventures is an expensive, childish way to avoid reality. This is partly true. But who cares?

The reality of adulthood is hard. There are no teachers stroking your ego with A’s, there are no parents making sure you’re doing fun and challenging activities every afternoon. So it is no surprise that putting off adulthood looks appealing. In fact, taking an adventure to see how other people do their lives is a good first step into adulthood because there is no better way to choose your life than to see how other people live.

There are some great things you can accomplish while you’re adventuring:

You can use an adventure as a way out of a bad job. It’s very hard to quit a job when you have nothing else lined up. But it’s very hard to line up a new job while you’re working at your current job. So a good way to ease yourself out of your job is to go on an adventure. You can tell yourself that you must quit now – now is the time for adventure.

You can sort out personal problems. A lot of career issues are actually personal issues. Do I want to be a doctor or do I want to please my parents? Do I want to settle down or do I feel pressure from my boyfriend? These are issues that dictate your career choices, but cannot be solved by changing jobs or rewriting your resume. Putting yourself in a new situation, away from the outside influencers you are used to – is will help you get a more clear perspective.

You can learn what you don’t want. When I worked on a family chicken farm in rural France, one day, when we spent three hours looking for mushrooms in the forest, I said, “Why do we have to keep looking? It’s taking so long and it’s only mushrooms. Let’s go home." And the father said, “But how will we have wild mushrooms for salad?" I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to have my mom buy some at the grocery store and send them via airmail. This is when I knew that although living close to the land looks appealing from the outside, but to me it felt monotonous and intellectually dissatisfying.

There are a few ways to get the money to travel. The most obvious is that you should alter your lifestyle And prolific travel blogger Ali Watters has a few suggestions: Don’t get a car or a mortgage unless you absolutely need one Give up smoking or expensive trips to coffee shops – it wastes money each day. Stay away from material possessions. Before each purchase ask yourself what you’ll do with it while you’re traveling.

Ali also recommends that you go somewhere cheap; a month in Europe will cost you three times as much as a month in South East Asia.

If Ali’s advice is too hard to swallow, you might try lining up a job that’s an adventure. If you are under thirty years old you might be able to benefit from reciprocal work agreements with the United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand.

Adventure is a good choice for a lot of people. It will give you perspective on a career that’s stuck, and if you don’t even have a career, there’s little difference between a good entry level job and an adventure. Both are about learning, trying new things, and making sure you don’t starve. So when you are looking at your job choices, put travel right up there on top with everything else. It’s good for your resume and good for your life.

article source

Brazen Careerist: Stop Worrying, Twentysomethings, Being Lost is Okay

2009-02-24T13:11:00.016-05:00

Today I stumbled upon the Penelope Trunk's blog, Brazen Careerist, and went nuts over her honest, truthful, hip, and all-around fucking awesome take on happiness and careers. She's not new to scene but new to me, so I'm using the next few days to present a few articles that give some of the best (and often relieving) freaking advice I've ever read on a blog. Feel free to explore her site here for many more.Besides the aging paedophiliacs reading this, most of my readership are twentysomethings who are in/out/between college/graduate school. Many of your parents (and you) are freaking out about what the hell you're doing with your life. Well take it easy, because the Penelope wants to let your 'rents in on something...

Article 1: "Stop Worrying that Your Twenty Something Is Lost"

by Penelope Trunk

Here is an open letter to all the parents, aunts and uncles who write to me asking for advice about the twentysomething in their life who is an incorrigible underachiever:

Lighten up! No one should be labeled an underachiever in their twenties! The first thing you should ask yourself is whose standards are you using? This is not the same workplace that existed ten years ago. There are new rules, and you need to stop applying the old rules to someone who has no need for them.

The people who know exactly what they want to do when they are 22 are called, in the land of sociology, "fast starters." And today that is only 12% of the workforce. In general, these people are conservative, taking paths their parents took, and do not ask a lot of questions. The majority of twentysomethings today move back home with their parents , job hop every 18 months, and refuse to pay their dues.

And you know what? These are all good decisions. To you, these decisions might look like decisions that losers make, but the world is different. Do you know what a loser is today? A loser is someone who doesn't take the time to get to know herself. A loser is someone who saw his parents earn a lot of money and not get happiness from it and still deludes himself that money will make him happy. A loser is someone who looks for fame or prestige. A loser is someone who lets someone else tell them what success looks like.

Today success is personal. It's about using the years of emerging adulthood to figure out what works for you. This is time to experiment - try things and quit them and try other things. This is a time to have gaps in resumes, red in bank accounts, and a suitcase packed, ready to go at a moment's notice. These are symptoms of someone who is learning a lot and growing a lot.

Personal growth looks a lot like being lost. Lost is okay. Who wouldn't be with twenty years of schooling and no preparation for adult life? People grow more when they are lost then when they are on a straight path with a clear view of where they are going.

need a map?

Don't tell me that your kid is a bar tender and will never grow up. Bar tenders have some of the best social skills in the workforce, and social skills are what matters. Bar tenders are not underachievers. Also, did you ever stop to ask your bar-tender kid what he does during the day when he's not pouring drinks? He's probably doing something fun and cool and a little risky that you didn't have the guts to try til you had a midlife crisis.

And don't tell me about your kid who isn't finishing college. No one said college has to happen right away. No one has research to show that if you do college right after high school you will be a happier person. But people do have research to show that if you take time to find yourself during your twenties then you will avoid a quarterlife crisis. So maybe it's okay that your niece is taking a year off of college to travel in Thailand. Or knit sweaters.

...or play xbox. LOST!

Stop judging the twentysomethings. Instead, look at yourself. Why is it so important for your twentysomething to make choices that you like? In fact, the most successful people in today's workplace are making choices that would have seemed absurd ten years ago. And things that are true today were not true ten years ago.

And have a heart. It's not easy to be a twentysomething today. These young people grew up with tons of structure, tons of adults watching over them, tons of accolades. It's a hard adjustment to go into the adult world where there is none of this. The most successful transitions happen when the person making the change receives time to adjust, space to grow, and support for tough decisions.

Have some patience. Most people find what they want to do with their life by the time they are 30. Really. And they are already putting so much pressure on themselves to find a good life. They don't need more pressure from you.

Source

Uggs and Skirts to Be Banned at University Of Alabama

2009-02-23T16:11:00.009-05:00

Full Article and VIDEO here

Tuscaloosa, AL -

"'It’s a trend I want to curtail,' said Wentz, relatively new to town, having moved here about three months ago... He’s originally from Pennsylvania...

'We didn’t even have this up north, even though we have snow and could actually use them,' he said. 'Just driving around campus here is unlike anything I’ve seen anywhere else.'

Sheepskin boots have been worn around the world for centuries, but the Uggs name is more recent. World War I aviators wore a sheepskin boot they called 'fugs.' 'Ugg' seems to have come from the Autralian slang 'ugh' for ugly. Surfers and skiiers popularized the boot as after-workout wear, to keep their feet warm. A representative for UGG Australia, one of the leading makers of the boots, declined to comment.

If his petition is successful - as of late last week, he had 23 signatures at his 94.1 site - Wentz wants to take it to Tuscaloosa Mayor Maddox and UA President Witt. Legislative action is not planned."

This is a great idea. Because I know women love to rip things off and burn them when they feel under attack (see bra burnings). If every college girl burns her Uggs in protest, then every college girl will automatically increase in hotness by at least 2 points. And if they rip off their skirts and burn them, 4 or 5 points. Unless she's fat and should have been wearing long pants in the first place, then -6 points.

Brazilian Activists are Cute (NSFW)

2009-02-22T15:26:00.008-05:00

Sao Paulo, Brazil -

Yesterday, some Brazilian girl during Carnival painted Obama on her leg and a sign-post on her stomach reading "vendese" - portuguese for "for sale" referring to selling some trees or somthin' to 'merica.

I noticed on her left leg is an old white man, but I don't know who it is. Also she painted giant nipples on her breasts.

source: Huffpost

UPDATE:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpwFzcNViME

UPDATE ON TERMS

2009-02-21T20:05:00.001-05:00

ATTN:
A couple of days ago, I revised our terms of use hoping to clarify some parts for our users. Over the past couple of days, I received a lot of questions and comments about the changes and what they mean for people and their information. Based on this feedback, I have decided to return to our previous terms of use while I resolve the issues that people have raised.

WTF White Stripes are back? yay Conan

2009-02-21T06:21:00.010-05:00

stereogum

I was watching the tv and Jack and Meg came on ... uh WAIT WHAT! I thought they disbanded. Then i came out of my own little inebriated world and realized they were performing because it was Conan's last show. They played a lovely (not really) version of "we're going to be friends." the whole time i thought Jack was singing half in Italian. But that probably wasn't true either, especially now that i'm listening to it for a second time.

moral of the story: conan o'brien is moving to an earlier time slot on late night, a time when i probably won't be watching tv, and therefore cannot misconstrue his musical guests possible return to touring/use of the english language. oh, and that i like the white stripes a lot. but not when meg is trying to play guitar. WTF was she doing

2009-02-19T21:10:00.002-05:00

So, i've gotten over 1500 visitors to dis blog o'mine since its creation a few months ago, i mean, i'm a pretty big deal. i think you already knew that. but lately i've been trying to figure out WHY i've been getting so many more search engine hits... and i finally figured it out:
look who's the number one hit. thank you perverts and paedophiles of the world. and in case you missed the post, here.

i'm glad i'm finally reaching my target demographic. Another success for the resume.

New Terms of Use

2009-02-19T00:52:00.001-05:00

ATTENTION:

A couple of minutes ago, I revised our terms of use (see print under the title banner) hoping to clarify some parts for my users. I plan to receive a lot of questions and comments about the changes and what they mean for people and their information.

Going forward, I've decided to take a new approach towards developing my terms. You may remember the old terms: "Bringing you 100% Truthiness in Celebrity Gossip & Other Stuff Since 2008." As I've said in the past, I think that a lot of the language in my terms were overly formal and protective.

The current version is a substantial revision from where we were a few minutes ago. It reflects the principles around how people share and control their information, and it is written clearly in language everyone can understand.

More than 175 million people use NeilCelebGossip. If it were a country, it would be the sixth most populated country in the world. My terms aren't just a document that protect my rights; it's the governing document for how the service is used by everyone across the world. Given its importance, I need to make sure the terms reflect the principles and values of the people using the service.

Since this will be the governing document that we'll all live by, NeilCelebGossip users will have a lot of input in crafting these terms further.

Please feel free to leave suggestions, comments, or links to Shakira gifs.

Also please notice that I've removed "You may remove your User Content from the Site at any time. If you choose to remove your User Content, the license granted above will automatically expire, however you acknowledge that the Company may retain archived copies of your User Content."

And thank you Mark Zuckerberg.

Rihanna Herpes, Rihanna Bruises

2009-02-18T22:25:00.012-05:00

... when those are the two related search results that first come up when you're googled, you know you need a life change.

Ok, so before last week when she got bitch slapped by chris brown, or whoever, the only thing i knew about Rihanna was that she strategically releases an annoying hip-hop song at the beginning of every summer so she can dominate the charts 'at da club' may-aug. I also knew she sings about umbrellas a lot. and i knew that her voice might be the most monotonal voice in hip-hop ever.

that's actually a lot more than i knew about chris brown. i knew he's a really good dancer, i guess. I couldn't name a single song of his.

ok, so, naturally since i'm a huge fan, i'm REALLLY REALLLY interested in this whole beat da girlfriend fiasco at the Grammys. so much that i did a google search just a couple of secs ago and found all this out in 3 mins:

-the above pic of her spilling camel toe
-she maybe got herpes from chris
-she might have already had herpes from jay z
-jay z essentially said that he was going to kick chris' ass
-chris gave a public apology where he mostly just talked about facebook and how it's bad because it spreads rumors

that's it. that's the whole story. amazing huh? i think that's way more than n e 1 should ever need to know about rihanna and chris, or whoever they are.

there B Vilar, can't believe i just wrote that shit. what a waste of fucking time. wonder what Aubz is up to...

#4 Pitt vs. #1 UConn LIVE BLOGGING

2009-02-16T19:17:00.039-05:00

7:17PM Pitt up early 15-10. Announcers are pissing me off. Completely biased towards UConn, might have to turn on the local radio.

7:26 Stop talking about Thabeet! Blair is kicking his ass.

7:27 We're fouling the crap out of them. This doesn't look good; we don't play well when in foul trouble. But we're still up 17-13.

7:28 We just got 500 offensive boards in a row and then scored. Thabeet just got the ball stolen. HOLY SHIT ALLEY OOP Fields to Young! YES. We look awesome (besides the fouls). I wish the commentators would fucking open their eyes and recognize that. 21-13 Pitt

7:32 UConn's AJ Price is a lil prick. I wish he'd stop making threes. 23-20 Pitt

7:37 EAT IT THABEET! Blair just made a hook shot over the supposedly "best shot blocker in hte big east ever." 25-20 Pitt

7:39 Two quick shots made by Uconn, uh oh. 25-24 Pitt

7:40 ESPN won't stop scrolling UConn graphics across the screen. They must have forgotten that Pitt was playing tonight too.

7:41 Blair misses a dunk???? Then gets his 2nd foul. Shit. 27-26 Pitt

7:44 Price makes ANOTHER three .... ugh. Only up by one. WAIT Blair just shot over Thabeet AGAIN! I'm lovin' it. 31-28 Pitt

7:48 13 points, 11 rebound for Blair. 4 points, 2 rebounds, ZERO blocks for Thabeet. 1:52 left in the first half.

7:50 Blair is absolutely dominating. He's doing anything he wants. I'm in love. 36-30 Pitt

7:51 AJ Price is inhuman; he just drained a fade-away NBA three while getting fouled (not called) as time ran out for the half. INTENSE first half for sure. Blair is a fucking animal; finally people are finding out. He should be made Chancellor. 36-33 Pitt at the half. I wish Jona would get me a beer or a sandwich, but when I yell at her she just shakes her head and walks back into her room. What an awful roommate. HAIL TO PITT!

8:00 I wonder if anyone is reading this.

8:02 Where the hell is Erick. He's supposed to be here by now. This is awkward watching this game alone. He will probably make fun of me for blogging. JONA WHERE"S MY BEER!

8:07 Pondering about all the homework I should be doing. Today I looked like a waif. I just learned that word today while reading Kate Moss' wikipedia article. It means a homeless or abandoned child. I wore Lehe's dungy, green corduroy's, a stained tan button down, AE boots from 4 years ago (no laces), borrowed black female dutch hat from H&M, and no shower. GAMES BACK ON

8:09 Young just tried to soar over Thabeet with a dunk. Thabeet fouled him to the ground instead, but that's his 3rd foul. Good News. 38-36 Pitt, 18:59 remaining.

8:11 "Sam Young is underrated and under appreciated" WURD. Starting to warm up to commentators.

8:18 Erick's here. Bitching at him as replaced blogging in last 7 minutes. 44-39 Pitt, 15:35 remaining.

14:50 Just realized I should put the time remaining instead of the actual time. 44-41 Pitt

14:02 Jona just brought me a water. It's not beer but it will work. 46-43 Pitt

12:00 Sam Young is amazing. Young & Bair 40 pts. Rest of team 9. Damnit AJ Price! ANOTHER Three. 49-48 Pitt.

11:20 4th FOUL ON THABEET! YES

11:01 ESPN now has a Thabeet Cam. A small screen of Thabeet's face on bottom right hand corner.

9:42 UConn takes their first lead of the game. Fuck. Blair just went to the bench after getting poked in the eye. 49-50 UConn.

7:13 Oh shit. 51-56 UConn

6:00 Fields can't make a shot. Pitt guards are 1-26 or something ridiculous like that. 53-56 UConn.

5:30 Thabeet is back in. Hope he fouls out soon.

4:20 Pitt has the lead with Dixon's THREE! WOOT! 59-58 PITT

2:55 Fields makes a THREE! Finally... 64-61 Pitt

2:20 FIELDS AGAIN THREE! WOOT When he starts feelin' it, no one plays with more confidence than Levance. 67-61 Pitt

1:45 Milk that Clock!

1:37 Steal and lay-up by UConn. Followed by a timeout. 67-63 Pitt. This is nerve wracking.

53.8 Fields goes to the line, one-on-one. Makes the first. Makes the second! 69-63 Pitt.

35.3 BLAIR IS AN FUCKING ANIMAL. Can't say it enough. Just grabbed the ball out of Thabeet's pussy hands and passed to Dixon for a layup. 71-63 Pitt.

22.6 UConn has zero timeouts. Pitt has one left. Pitt possession. 71-65 Pitt.

17.9 Blair has 22 points, 23 rebounds, and player of the game. UConn is trying to foul their way back in the game. I think we got this game wrapped up. Will be the first time PItt has ever beat a #1 seed in school history.

7.2 Erick doesn't think Pitt should be #1 in the nation now with this win. I think they should. WTF ERICK!?

0.0 secs WE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Final score 76-68. I'm going to go burn a couch now. Can't wait for the next time we face UConn in two weeks at home, Yayyyyaaaa.

Hail to Pitt!

Happy Birthday Levar Burton

2009-02-16T18:33:00.006-05:00

To the man who changed my life forever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8iTeDl_Wug

UPDATE:
read levar's personal blog here
follow levar's personal twitter here, you know you want to

2009-02-14T12:31:00.001-05:00

Tax cuts won't solve our current economic woes.

2009-02-13T20:52:00.004-05:00

By Daniel GrossPosted
Thursday, Feb. 12, 2009, at 6:16 PM ET
Source

The congressional debate over the stimulus package may be over, but the larger debate isn't. Many critics of the bill, which contains a mix of tax cuts and government spending, believe that the government spending part just won't work.

Let's say you're a tenured professor of economics at Harvard. You have—and have earned—a great deal of stability and security. Your job is guaranteed, at pretty much the same salary, until retirement. Your employer, which has been around for more than 350 years, isn't going anywhere. The university provides nice health care benefits and contributes generously to a retirement plan. All of which means you can make pretty good plans about your short- and long-term financial future. If we reduce payroll taxes—or eliminate them entirely—the professor will have an extra $200 in his paycheck every month. And that might yield predictable results. Feeling slightly more flush, he might be more likely to amble down to the Coop and buy a few books or a V-neck Crimson sweater or to invest in a summer home on Cape Cod. That's what a rational person would do. And that would stimulate the economy nicely.

Back in the day, and in many of the past episodes of postwar recession, the typical American worker resembled a Harvard professor—not in brains or wit, to be sure, but in the shape of her economic life. Many—not all, but a lot—enjoyed long, relatively secure job tenures, steady incomes, and generous employer-provided health and retirement benefits. But the economy has changed significantly in recent decades. And the circumstances that might prod our professor to start spending those tax cuts immediately might not apply to everybody else. The typical worker—white-collar, blue-collar, no-collar—doesn't have anything like tenure or a guaranteed job. In fact, she may be working at a company that has just laid off 10 percent of its work force and may soon lay off more. She may be one of the 3.6 million people who has lost a job in the last year. She may work in an industry in which one large, longtime player has just liquidated. She might still have employer-provided health insurance, but the company may have just jacked up the employee contribution. She knows that if she loses her job, she would have to start spending several thousand dollars a year to purchase health insurance. Meanwhile, this worker—say she's in her mid-40s—is providing for her own retirement via a 401(k), whose balance has fallen by 40 percent in the last year. Oh, and her adjustable-rate mortgage is about to readjust to a higher rate.

So, what happens if you cut this worker's payroll taxes (assuming she's on somebody's payroll and isn't a contractor or self-employed)? Well, she might spend the increased cash flow. But given everything that's going on, a fearful but still rational person might not rush out to spend or invest the money. She might be far more likely—and well-advised—to save it, to build up a cash hoard that would allow her to remain solvent should she lose her job, or to prepare for the eventuality that she might have to buy her own health insurance. Or she might start shoveling that extra $100 per week into her 401(k) to make up for some of the huge losses she's suffered.

Psychology plays a big role in all sorts of economic decisions. And at times like these, when people are gripped with fear, it plays an even larger role. In such a climate, cutting taxes can't hurt. But should we expect it to have the same effect it would have in a period when people are generally confident and secure? If you believe the typical American worker would respond to tax cuts the way a typical tenured Harvard economist would, then it makes all the sense in the world to focus on tax cuts to the exclusion of other types of stimulus. But if you believe the typical American worker might respond to tax cuts the way, say, a typical Cambridge-area worker would, you might be less sure.

Aubrey O'Day Dead, Made into Plastic Doll for Playboy

2009-02-12T17:36:00.012-05:00

4th post of the day, sorry if it's been overwhelming for you, but this is verryyyyy important. like everything on here.

My girl Aubz is on the cover of playboy tomorrow! You probably remember a few months ago when some very close confidants of mine told her to pose for the female objectifying magazine (post here). Well she did. I can't wait to buy the issue and hang her all over my bedrooms walls...

Wait a second. Why does she look like a mannequin. Actually, I've seen more life-like mannequins than her. Why does she look like a fake mannequin. How did she even pull that off. That's impressive, to make something fake look more fake. Her head doesn't even move positions from the cover shot to the shot in the black bikini. WTF? And why is her mouth half open and her tongue almost squirting out... that's exactly how the deer I've hunted look right after they've just been shot. Is she alive?

Aubz, this was your chance to get on my good side. You blew it. Mostly because I think you're dead and have been made into a plastic doll.

I just received some not-so-anonymous fan mail:
"your blog is now just an annotated list of people you would like to have sex with"

This is untrue. I would not like to have sex with Reeves. (see post 1)

Which also brings up an accusation a few of my readers have confronted me with today. I would like to take a moment to clear things up:

Yes, I confirm that this blog functions solely to overcompensate for my homosexual and homophobic insecurities. I grew up idolizing Wolverine, perhaps the most overcompensating figure in pop culture. When Wolverine's masculinity is threatened, he whips out those claws and goes to town. I, however, don't have claws; so after a long day at the office where I constantly get heckled for being a fag, I whip out my computer and post semi-naked girls. Thank you, blog, for letting everyone know I'm straight, because that is the most important thing in my life, just as it should be for every guy.

I think it was the Village People who once said:
Every man ought to be a macho macho man / to live a life of freedom, machos make a stand.

(Macho Man, Randy Savage -- another great hero of machismo)

Well, I am making a stand, because today I tell you, "It's time for a change!" (Obama, 2008)

Starting next post, I will swear off Wolverine and the Village People and begin idolizing the true modern giants of my trade: the righteous celebrity gossip blog kings, like bastardly, wwttd, splashnews, perez, dlisted, popoholic et al. who represent celebrities fairly and objectively, and who would never imagine posting girls in bikinis. I am grateful that someone has finally brought to my attention how misguided this celebrity gossip blog has become. What was I thinking.

It's Abe's Freakin' Birthday! (Lost Footage)

2009-02-12T12:05:00.009-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgqZhjQWJ1A

Happy Birthday Abe! Last week I bought a miniature statue of Abe at Soldiers and Sailors Memorial. They were marked half-off from $9.75 ... so only $4 ... something ... GET 'EM QUICK! Oh, and I took this cool picture of Abe's Death Mask.The museum sucked except for this lone artifact. Not the mask itself, but for the bizarre caption beside the mask. Apparently the death mask was made before he actually died, so the caption was written in first person, by Abe himself, describing how it felt when they pulled the mask off his face.

"It hurt a bit. As it pulled off some hairs ..." That's all i can remember, but it's much, much longer and more bizarre.

Best Letterman Interview Ever

2009-02-12T10:54:00.009-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lG-M1CWskeQ

I <3 Joaquin Phoenix

Is it all an act? Or is he really that fucked up? Either way, the new Joaquin is becoming really entertaining (much more than his last rapping exposition), and that beard rocks.

WTF Ryan Adams & Mandy Moore Engaged?

2009-02-12T00:21:00.007-05:00

Uh, so, I guess they're getting married? This is total news to me. I have a love-hate relationship with Ryan Adams, and for the past year it's been mostly hate, and now I definitely hate him moore than ever.

Mandy Moore? Really? This was the girl who drove a Volkswagen Beetle in her first music video when she wasn't even old enough to drive. This is the girl who dated DJ AM. This is the girl who generally sucks. Ryan, you're a sell out. Why can't you date someone hip. Or at least someone that hasn't been compared to Britney Spears musically. But Mandy Moore?? UGh. I'm going to go vomit now.

(for the record, i'd totally do mandy moore)

NCG's Best of SI Swimsuit 2009

2009-02-11T01:39:00.019-05:00

So yesterday Sports Illustrated released the swimsuit issue, and I spent a lot of time critically analyzing the photography, here on their website.

I did noticed three things: 1) a lot freckles, a good thing (including at least two, true redheads. Go Gingers!)

2) Not enough butts

3) Sexy gaps

And these girls ... err... photos caught my attention the most:

Tori Praver

Lucia Dvorska

Irina Shayk

Daniella Sarahyba

Brooklyn Decker

And remember girls, YOU MUST LOOK LIKE THIS for any guy (or girl) to like you. It's 100% true. Just like this blog.

Or you could be not anorexic and I'd probably date you. But that also means I'd have to break up with my computer and leave the house once in awhile. hmm... nevermind. Cyber? Blog me.

Russia Way Ahead of Pregnancy Trend

2009-02-10T01:15:00.008-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_UL9C90WkQ

Turns out that Russia is ahead of the world in one thing and one thing only: sexy pregnancies. More than a year before M.I.A.'s belly poppin' performance, t.A.T.u. did this cute little number for Russian Maxim.

And no, they're not lesbians. That was a publicity stunt (so says Wikipedia).

Check out that sexy belly button ring. I think I'm going to go vomit now.

9 Months Pregant is Now Sexy?

2009-02-09T13:49:00.013-05:00

uh ... i cross the line a lot on here, but i think i might draw it at the pregnant thing. Don't get me wrong-- MIA looks great-- I mean, in a Super Mario Brothers toadstool kind of way.Congrats Robert Plant and Allison Krauss for winning a lot of Grammys last night. Radiohead too. When did the Grammys start getting kind of cool? Congrats to dance master Chris Brown who didn't win an award but successfully became the first at the Grammys to beat his girlfriend (Rihanna). Another great example for the inner city, male youth to idolize.And congrats to David Grohl for playing the drums like the Foo Fighting douche bag he is.

Dakota Fanning's Legs,

2009-02-08T14:23:00.020-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpj5giISFbQ

Here are 10 mins of Dakota Fanning's Legs, while David Letterman tries his hardest not to let any sexual comments slip. Oh, and she's 14 years old.

Wikipedia says that pedophilia "as a medical diagnosis, is defined as a psychological disorder in which an adult experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children.^[1]^[2]^[3]

^{Dakota has definitely hit puberty (I think).

IN OTHER NEWS (THAT'S NOT QUITE AS CREEPY)...}^{There's this cool feature on Twitter that allows you to search every tweet for any given term. It's good for getting a sense about how much your business, your company's product, or really anything is being hyped.}^{Right now "Spak Bros" is getting more hype than "Dakota Fanning's Legs." Despite Dakota's bangin' lower limbs, this is arguably justifiable.}Fur vests are in right now. In France.

^{People will not stop making Christian Bale parodies. It's pretty annoying.

People will not stop making David After Dentist parodies, either. That's also annoying.

Now they're making Bale after the Dentist parodies. Stop it! I'm going mad!}

Russia Thwarts Capitalist Green Agenda

2009-02-07T09:03:00.010-05:00

I <3 Russian Militsia

Source: http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/how-russia-treats-greenpeace.html

Bikini Girl Sucks; Other Girls in Bikinis Still Rule

2009-02-06T00:36:00.012-05:00

Bikini Girl (aka Katrina Darrell, website here) got kicked off of American Idol the other day, or so the internet tells me. I don't really care that she did, because I don't ever watch the show and I think she kind of sucks (not to mention she looks like an amateur pornstar) but I'm bringing this up because the other bikini girl, Casey Carlson (website here), is still on the show, thank God, because if she gets kicked off too early, Playboy won't give her a contract.

And I really want to see her naked. Because I'm a total pervert.

I still haven't figured out why both bikini girls' websites look exactly the same, or how they managed to make such crappy websites in general. oh well, i'm getting sidetracked, here:

Dump Your Out-a-State BF (Hey Look! Shakira's Butt!)

2009-02-05T00:00:00.001-05:00

I caught wind of this article, "Date Local: The Case Against Long Distance Relationships," from Slate mag while wasting time on jezebel.com, and I couldn't agree more with its message.

End your long distance relationship-- save the planet-- save yourself -- date me?. No seriously, your LDR (long distance relationship) is destroying the f'ing earth. And he sucks anyways; how many times have you gone there in ratio to the times he's come here? Think about it.

If you didn't know, that f'ing plane you hop on for your monthly lay uses a lot of resources ....

"Consider what happens when these two fly to see each other once a month. Since greenhouse gases emitted from high-altitude airplanes are thought to have several times the impact of ground transport, a carbon offset company would pin their romantic travels with the equivalent of 35 metric tons of CO₂ each year. If that responsibility were divided evenly between the two, our sustainability consultant's lifestyle would be about six times worse for the environment than that of the average gas-guzzling American—and up to 10 times worse than that of the average San Franciscan. (Indeed, for her, breaking up would be about 10 times better for the environment than going vegetarian.)"

And it's not just the environment. Your LDR is why you have no friends ...

"For one, it makes people less anti-social. By spending all their free time out of town or staring at a webcam—that is, in their apartments or airline cabins, rather than in parks, bowling alleys, and pubs—long-distance lovers erode civic commitment and social support networks. They have fewer chances to meet new people. And they make their cities more stratified by inflating an über-class bubble of jet-set shut-ins who are—understandably, given their lifestyle—more worried about conditions at O'Hare than things going on outside their front door."

And your sex life sucks ... not to mention higher health care costs, depression, and more vulnerability to economic downturns ...

"What's more, out-of-town daters have less sex than local couples—and long stretches of abstinence between visits could lead to negative health outcomes and thus higher health care costs. Distance also magnifies the impact of negative feelings like longing and suspicion; according to one study, intercity lovers are more likely to be depressed (PDF) and less likely to share resources or take care of each other when sick. And they spend money on travel that they might otherwise save and invest—leaving them vulnerable to economic shocks and wearing away their future standard of living. Every one of these demons could be banished by simply dating local."

So I think it's pretty clear for all of you in LDRs: get on Skype; give him one last web cam striptease; breakup; call that boy nearby that you have a crush on (me); tell him you want to have sex with him immediately (i'm ready); and do it.

The planet, your psychological state, and your (but mostly my) sex life depends on it. Go now.

Pittsburgh Steelers: America's Team

2009-02-02T14:09:00.009-05:00

Because i'm generally ineloquent, I've provided this post-Superbowl reflection done by Gene Wojciechowski:

I don't know if the Pittsburgh Steelers are America's Team. But Sunday night at Heinz Field South, they were Raymond James Stadium's team. They were President Obama's team. Most of all, they were the Vince Lombardi Trophy's team.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to win a Super Bowl? The Steelers have now won a record-breaking six of them, two in the past four years. Fifteen of the NFL's 32 franchises have never won one. Five have never even advanced to the game.

So trying to put an Iron City six-pack into perspective is like trying to comprehend Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel or Rod Blagojevich's hair. Some things are beyond explanation.

But I know this: Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward, who played this game on a knee and a half ("I can't even describe the pain," Ward said), had to squeeze away tears when talking about team owner Dan Rooney. You think Terrell Owens would get teary-eyed about Jerry Jones?

"I saw Mr. Rooney today and I just broke down,'' said Ward, who started to cry again as he remembered the meeting with the 76-year-old owner.

Safety Troy Polamalu, holding his infant son on his knee, said the Steelers call Rooney "Pops." Turns out Pops makes sure all of his players have his cell phone number -- just in case they ever need him for something. Imagine that.

This is why the Steelers are unlike any other professional sports franchise. They win in ways you can respect. They beat the Arizona Cardinals 27-23 in arguably the best Super Bowl game ever, and the Steelers spend the postgame complimenting the other team as much as they compliment their own.

Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger found Cardinals QB Kurt Warner on the field and told him, "It was an honor to play against you." Little-known fact: The first sports autobiography Roethlisberger ever read was Warner's book.

Roethlisberger arrived at the postgame interview room holding the football he used during the final kneel-down of the game. In 2005, when the Steelers won Super Bowl XL, Roethlisberger gave the game ball to teammate Jerome Bettis.

"I'll hold on to this one," Roethlisberger said this time.

Can you blame him? Unlike the 2005 championship, when he played in full upchuck mode (9-of-21 for 123 yards and two interceptions), Roethlisberger distinguished himself in XLIII with a game-winning, last-minute touchdown pass to Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes. Perfect throw. Perfect catch. Asked to describe the play, Roethlisberger kept it simple.

"Scramble right. Scramble left. Find somebody open,'' he said. "Somebody got open."

Humility.

If America is looking for a team, this is it. What's not to like?

The Steelers have won those six Super Bowls with three different coaches. Unlike the Cowboys, the Rooneys don't give their ATM password to big-name free agents. Instead, they draft well (Holmes and Roethlisberger were first-rounders). They sign undrafted free agents well (NFL defensive MVP James Harrison). They hire coaches well (Chuck Noll, Bill Cowher, Mike Tomlin in the past 40 years). And they never, ever pretend they invented the game.

"I think what makes America's Team is that anywhere you go in America, that's your home stadium,'' said safety Ryan Clark. "It's called Steelers Nation for a reason. [The Cowboys] may be called 'America's Team' because they have reality shows. They like to be in the headlines, things like that. … But it felt like we were in Pittsburgh tonight.''

I'd be stunned if Tomlin and the Rooneys ever let a "Hard Knocks" film crew into their training camp. They don't need the attention. They don't need to grow their "brand." Winning Super Bowls, not being on HBO, is what grows a franchise.

There were no in-betweens in Sunday evening's game. It was a strange combination of penalties (18 total) and hair-on-fire moments.

Harrison, cut four different times during his seven-year career, delivered the most amazing play in Super Bowl history -- better than David Tyree's ball-on-helmet catch of a year ago. Harrison's 100-yard, get-me-an-oxygen-tank interception return in the waning seconds of the first half proved to be a 14-point swing: as many as seven lost points for the Cardinals (who had first-and-goal at the Steelers' 1 with 18 seconds remaining) and seven found points for Pittsburgh. An exhausted Harrison collapsed in the end zone after the runback.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HebjyhlU-_s

"I probably shouldn't have chased him so far trying to block, because I couldn't breathe,'' Clark said. "I wanted to lay down next to him, but I figured since I didn't score, nobody was going to give me any sympathy."

There was Warner completing 31 of 43 passes for 377 yards and three touchdowns, including a 64-yarder to the amazing Larry Fitzgerald with 2:37 left to play. That put the Cardinals ahead 23-20. You could almost feel 70,774 people in the stadium inch toward their seat edges.

And then there was Roethlisberger and Holmes on the final Steelers scoring drive. Earlier Sunday morning, Ward had told Holmes that it was games like this in which players made names for themselves. Ward would know; he was the MVP of Super Bowl XL.

Roethlisberger threw eight passes on the drive, four of them to Holmes. Of the 78 yards covered on the drive, Holmes caught 73 yards' worth. But it was his final catch -- that 6-yarder in the corner of the end zone, where his toes somehow stayed put on the turf -- that won him the MVP, and the Steelers their sixth Super Bowl.

"Where is the celebration?'' Clark shouted after the game. "I am done being dumbfounded that we won."

The celebration will be in Pittsburgh. America's Parade Route.

Hoof High Heels fur Devil Girls

2009-01-31T11:55:00.007-05:00

Ich muss beim Schuh-Fetisch so mancher Dame schon manchmal in mich reingiggeln und habe das Thema schon lange als naturgegeben abgehakt. Eine Begründung dafür habe ich trotzdem nicht. Having said that: Wie supercool sind denn bitte diese Huf-Highheels? Jede Dame, die einen davon zusammen mit einem Standard-Schwarzleder-Highheel trägt, würde ich auf der Stelle heiraten. Huf-Highheels für Devils Girls. Aaaaaaaw!

UPDATE: Here is the translation done by Rent-A-German, B. Muller:

Concerning teh shoe fetish of some ladys I have to giggle (No joke, he said giggle!) and already put that topic as naturally given aside. Yet I still don't have a proper explanationn for it! Having said that: How supercool are those hoof Highheels? I'd marry every Lady, that wears one with a standard Black Lace Leather Highheel. Hoof-Highheels for Devils Girls. Aaaaaaaw!

Obama Loves the Steelers, Thinks Cardinals Are Dumb

2009-01-30T18:12:00.005-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LzYJHobp4M

P.S. when is it going to stop snowing

Post Gazette: Sluts Hang Out at Peter's in Semi-circular Booths

2009-01-29T10:26:00.006-05:00

(image provided by R Guenther)

Best Places to Watch the Superbowl

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Peter's Pub, 116 Oakland Ave., Oakland, 412-681-7465. It's crawling with college kids and post-grads most of the time, but hey, co-eds are OK by Munch. Big semi-circle booths, above-average wings, and did we mention the co-eds? Sunday: $25 in advance, or $35 at the door, gets you a dinner buffet.

Honorable mention: Bootleggers (Oakland, 412-682-3060)

Weekly Andrew Bird Update

2009-01-28T19:06:00.007-05:00

So he added three new, giant gramophones to his set and a new guitarist. Not too long ago, I ripped on Bird for his under-whelming CD release, Noble Beast. Dave, on the other hand, gave him more praise than I've ever seen him do on his show. "How bout dis Paul, ya know whad-aye Sayin'?!"

I agree because he rhymes "snack machine."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JXT3D7vZWg

Spaghetti Roker

2009-01-27T00:54:00.003-05:00

http://vids.eonline.com/services/link/bcpid1396519019/bctid8881977001

And Stains, the dog.

http://vids.eonline.com/services/link/bcpid1396519019/bctid8882298001

Jessica Simpson's Fat, Needs Two Belts

2009-01-26T14:57:00.007-05:00

(now.................................................then)

The title says it all.

Oh, and below is some girl in a swimsuit. I guess she's Miss America or something. Why does that competition still exist? No one cares. Only superficial girls with no brains and perverted guys like me watch it. Instead, to save resources and promote a more green porn economy, I think they should just hoard a bunch of willing women into a large hall, take pictures and video of them walking around naked and mumbling nonsense (remember Miss Teen South Carolina?), post them on the internet, and call it a day. The hardest part would be finding Mario Lopez a new job.

Boys Almost Talk to Really Hot Girl at Hipster Concert

2009-01-25T14:58:00.011-05:00

Last night during the French Horn Rebellion concert at Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania's The Brillo Box, a really freaking Hot Girl stood seemingly unnoticed for the entire three-hour show, as a group of much less attractive and slightly younger males plotted elaborate ways to approach the freaking Hot Girl; inevitably, they wussed out.

(hot like the girl on the right hot)

The most muscular of the boys, who wore a red backwards ball cap, suggested, "I know! I'll act like I'm really wasted, and then I'll walk up to her and hit on her and stuff like a big jerk, then you come up and pretend you're saving her from me!"

His much skinnier wing man said, "OK! That will totally work!" Of course they never executed this plan, nor any of the other twelve suggested; instead, they stood in various corners of the room, staring at her freaking Hot Ass all night, periodically pretending to go to the bathroom so they could walk very close to her.

Further complicating the Hot Girl's utter hotness, her male counterpart stood just 12 inches to her left, decked out in skinny jeans and displaying a elaborately fanned, bleach-blonde faux-hawk.

The token Jewish boy of the group recanted, "No, it was beyond a faux-hawk. It was, like, shaved on the sides."

(kind of like this, only a lot worse)

The faux-hawked tool remained aloof throughout the night, but he occasionally held hands with the Hot Girl and let the freaking Hot as hell Girl's head rest on his shoulder. The gaggle of boys heavily debated the Tool's role in her life.

"No way man. He's totally gay! He's definitely not her boyfriend," said the designated driver. Two others agreed with him, which split the group's consensus (3 yes he is the gay friend vs. 3 no he is the boyfriend). The inability to articulate a common agreement on the Tool's sexual orientation proved to be the boys' tragic downfall.

Half way through the show, a really freaking Nasty Guy started talking to the really freaking Hot Girl. The Boyfriend Believers were shocked at her faux-hawked counterpart's lack of concern with this flirtatious encounter. Even after this affirmation of the Hot Girl's likely single status, the six boys continued to remain a safe, observatory distance away, staring at her ass, and repeating things like, "Damn, I should just do it. Ok, I'm doing it. No, fuck this. I'm getting another drink."

After the last song of the night and dozens of subtle, failed attempts at getting her attention, the really freaking Hot Girl trotted into the darkness, trailing her counterpart, likely never to be seen again. The defeated boys filed out of the bar moments later, and the skinny one sadly muttered, "Damn, that hot girl was so freaking hot. Damnit. What the fuck."

The boys said they are looking forward to next weekend's concert at The Brillo Box, where they asserted there should be "lot's of hot girls" again.

Arrested Development the Movie ...

2009-01-22T22:00:00.001-05:00

is arrested because of the little prick, Michael Cera. Just because you were in a couple really popular movies recently (Superbad, and that fake-indie one about teen pregnancy that just played "cool" music in the background) you think you can hold up production. The whole cast of Arrested Development wants to do it, except you, you freaking idiot.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/movies/333459/will-michael-cera-get-arrested-again.jhtml#id=1602930

Don't get me wrong, I've really liked Michael Cera ... till about... right now. He was awesome in AD and good in his other movies (even though he can only play one character [who is, in fact, actually just his own personality] {therefore requiring no skill in acting whatsoever (but that's another story)}]). But anyway, I wish he'd stop being a diva and sign on to this movie, before Hulu.com starts charging a membership fee.

I thought Guy_Whitey Corngood made a good suggestion:
Guy_Whitey_Corngood 11:09 AM on Wed Jan 21 2009
The whole movie should just be the Bluth family standing around the whole time, constantly asking "Where's George Michael?"...Poochie style.

Mel Gibstein had an intelligent solution as well:
Mel Gibstein 11:46 AM on Wed Jan 21 2009
At this point, it would be great if they just had Carrot Top play George Michael ...

But I thought this one, by BusterBluth, was the best answer:
busterbluth 4:56 PM on Wed Jan 21 2009
WTF, Cera, you're gonna maybe put the script in the shredder? I want to crown you King Douche. Also, I got a fresh batch of poisoned muffins for you. And the attached note says "I know where you live. Hahaha."

Sincerely,

The Glitter Queen

Hmmm....interesting. Perhaps, this situation can only be properly expressed in song:

WTF Cera Cera?! (Que Sera Sera)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=st-b__kHnuk

Kanye Copies/Wants to be Me

2009-01-21T23:12:00.009-05:00

http://board.nevertellmetheodds.org/t.php?id=84444&r=26

Ok, Kanye West is a douche bag who can't sing; we all know this. But now he has crossed the line-- personally -- by copying my mullet, seen here at the Obama inaugural ball:

Yeah, I'm not African American, so his mullet is a little bit curlier, but if Kanye was white like me, his mullet would look just like mine. I'm calling you out, Kanye Copier. Asshole.

Zooey Deschanel is a Fugly Bitch

2009-01-21T00:01:00.005-05:00

This is f'ing IT! I can't stand Zooey; she's done; I'm through; this was the last straw. First she gets engaged to Ben Gibbard, now this!

(image provided by my girl, Katsman, taken at a fashion show in NYC not too long ago)

I am embarrassed that I ever said you were my biggest celebrity crush. How could you do this? Just completely lose yourself like this? What has Ben done to you? Force fed you chocolate chip cookies? Performed a reverse liposuction? How did you manage to look this bad? It actually doesn't even look like you; I didn't believe this photo was of you myself, but after an intense back and forth "wait, no way. yes way" convo with Katsman, I've come to terms with your sad reformation. Where did your cute face go? Did you set out for the little bit overweight Katy Perry look, or was it just unfortunate luck?

You were my biggest crush, but now I'm the one who is crushed. Or would be at least if you sat on me. Katsman futher reports that you were being a total bee-otch that night, all pretentious and shit, ignoring everyone, refusing to talk, even when looking like that. Ugh! You make me sick, Zooey! So sick, you do!

Miranda Kerr, I know you'd never let me down; you're not engaged, and you're still hot.

UPDATE: (OK yeah, I think it's katy perry too, but let's pretend it's not so I have more reason to hate Zooey. Please leave comments about how fugly she is.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y11mMp2CSiI

Pittsburgh Is, Like, Sooo In Right Now

2009-01-20T03:01:00.002-05:00

It couldn't be better for Pittsburghers right now. The Stillers are headed to the Superbowl ... and well, for yinzers nothing else usually matters.... but other things are up to. Like Sam Young's awesomeness & #4 Pitt Bball's ass beating on #8 Syracuse last night. Or this priest who got named a Bishop (i guess that's not very cool). Airlines are creating more flights from Pittsburgh to Tampa on Super Bowl Sunday, that's cool! AND a woman was denied from the same aforementioned airline because she wasn't dressed "sexy enough!" Go America! Oh annnnd I got to meet Barr and Lor (as well as some other cool philly, er, KOP catz) this weekend in the city of brotherly love, that's the coolest. Except for maybe this butt courtesy of Danielle Lloyd:

(more butt via Shape Magazine coming soon)

I have to mention this before i forget: Shakira was sighted this weekend at Obama's pre-inauguration concert thingy. She actually kind of sucks in it. She has too much clothing on and not shaking anything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU_kYCAvrP8

Though Pgh is rockin', clearly the most important thing today is that Barack Obama is swearing into presidency at noon eastern time. People love this guy and so do I. Even countries that have hated us forever and are generally soulless (see French) have sometimes said good things about us 'Mericans since the election. Even with everyone trying to make their claim on Barack's success, the Irish I think are winning:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0xFWbarrsc

And back by popular demand, a series of a semi-nude girl (just more Danielle Llloyd, i think she's British, i don't really know who she is):

Joe Jonas XXX Webcam Chat

2009-01-16T03:00:00.002-05:00

The xxx part is still up in the air, but I'm betting right now that Joe's gonna do some nasty stuff. Just look at what they said on their MySpace:

Hey everyone! We had so much fun with our first FANFAMILY EXPERIENCE. We spent almost 5 hours commenting to all of our fans. It was awesome! OUR NEXT FANFAMILY EXPERIENCE is going to be THIS SUNDAY!!!! SUNDAY, JANUARY 18TH at 5 PM EST (EASTERN STANDARD TIME) JOIN US FOR OUR FIRST LIVE VIDEO CHAT IN ALMOST A YEAR AND A HALF!!! Just go to: http://www.Justin.tv/JonasBrothers If you desire to join the live video chat, you will need to create an account and login in order to join the chat. Then just be ready to ask us questions and spend time with us. Once again, we will be looking for ways throughout 2009 to connect with our fans more. Thanks for helping us live our dream! JB Kevin, Joe and Nick

if you reverse "JB" it's BJ ...
Also, "we spent almost 5 hours com...ing to all our fans. It was awesome!"
WHOA! Virgin eyes will bleed this Sunday.

Don't miss out yourself either, Jan. 18th, 5pm here on justin.tv.

And check out jonas brothers fan fiction here.

Twilight Lawsuit ...

2009-01-15T10:19:00.001-05:00

Nina Ricci vs. Twilight ... for obvious reasons. How is this movie still in the news?

Ryan Adams Quits Music To Sell More Books

2009-01-14T12:25:00.003-05:00

He lays it all out here on his blog. He's done with The Cardinals, he's done with music (and blogging) after his tour is over in March. Well, at least for awhile he's done; I can't imagine he will stay out very long. He's releasing three books, one very soon -- hmmm, this should help the book sales, eh? He says:

" ... it is soul destroying. especially when you spend your life trying to write about the really difficult stuff and you stand there losing your way and people yell at you like you were in a circus. when it was your dream to matter and you realize one day, it never mattered- i mean, i am a punch-line and a footnote in what is worse to yell at someone besides 'free-bird'."

Throughout the whole post, he's begging for mercy and it sort of works. I kind of feel bad for him for the first time ever. He lost someone he loved, he lost his hearing, everyone makes fun of him ... actually, wait, this sounds like my life if you replace "hearing" with "dignity." Why do I feel bad for this rich mother f'er. Go see an ear doctor and stop crying. You almost tricked me again, Ryan Adams. God, I hate you.

UPDATE: Ryan Adams removed his original post and replaced it with whining. Jeez, he's so dumb. I can't find the whole original text anywhere on the internet either. I end up wanting everything Ryan Adams takes away from me. He's so clever.

UPDATE 2: So the first time I read his re-post, I didn't really comprehend anything he said because his whining was so annoying. On the 2nd read, I noticed he says he is not quitting music, only taking a step back. What the hell does that mean. You should have stayed with the quitting thing, people got much more excited.

UPDATE 3: He removed the entire post, even the whining. What a douche.

UPDATE 4: Stereogum was smart and copied/posted the whole thing here.

Search for Shakira

2009-01-10T16:22:00.002-05:00

The Search for Shakira begins May 1, 2009

A group of four recent college grads will trek across the entire South American continent to find the sexiest woman alive, Shakira. Along the way to her hometown Barranquilla, Colombia, they will encounter unthinkable hardships. Thieves, Kidnappers, and Murderers will steal, rape, and kill; unbelievably sexy Latinas in each passing country will deceive and seduce with their oiled breasts and buttocks. Though casualties and bastard children are likely, nothing can keep these young, brave heroes from getting what they want. The search for Shakira shall end in victory (or at least a picture in front of this).

COMING SOON TO A NEW BLOG NEAR YOU!

Creators of Spaghetti Cat CANCELED

2009-01-09T17:31:00.001-05:00

It's a sad day. The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet has announced -- after 2 years of world-wide success via spaghetti cat -- that Twentieth Television is canceling the program due to "economic conditions." But before they leave us for good, Mike and Juliet wanted to set the record straight about the mysterious pasta eating pussy that has captured all of our hearts.

(I'll warn you, Mike and Juliet are the least funny people on TV)

And one last time ... We Weep for You

Jeff Tweedy Sings "Fake Plastic Trees"; Rock Supergroup Is Back

2009-01-08T15:02:00.003-05:00

Before Jeff Tweedy sung this two nights ago as part of the 7 Worlds Collide show, he said self-deprecatingly "this is going to be like Paul Rodgers fronting Queen." Fortunately, it wasn't quite that awkward.

But everyone in the cool music world is freaking out about this. The 7 Worlds Collide collaboration. So what is it? I had to do some research of my own to straighten it all out.

So back in 2001 7 Worlds Collide was a "live album release" that was brought together by Neil Finn (New Zealand's premier singer/songwriter -- not FOTC). But now Neil (not me) and most of the other members have reconvened to make another CD. So why do we care? Because it's one of the most exciting collaborations of all time, that's why damnit. Radiohead meets Wilco. Not to mention The Smiths and Pearl Jam.

-Jeff Tweedy (vocals/guitar, Wilco)
-John Stirratt (bass, Wilco)
-Glenn Kotche (drums, Wilco)
-Pat Sansone (instrumentalist, Wilco)

-Phil Selway (drummer, Radiohead)
-Ed O'Brien (guitar, Radiohead)

-Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
-Guitar god Johnny Marr (The Smiths/Modest Mouse)

and others notables from New Zealand.

The group has been playing live shows this week in Auckland, NZ and their album and DVD is due out sometime this year. All proceeds go to the Oxfam which fights poverty and injustices. It's going to be pucking awesome.

Because I Promise 100% Truth

2009-01-06T03:01:00.002-05:00

CORRECTIONS & UPDATES

-Andrew Bird IS playing at Pittsburgh's Carnegie Music Hall on April 7th (and so is Morrissey on March 17th). You can listen to Bird's full new album, Noble Beast, streaming here. I've only gotten through 2 tracks so far and it sounded a bit dull, so I've switched to this stream of his new instrumental "deluxe-edition disc" called Useless Creatures. I like it better already; good for sleep.

-Dr. Pepper did NOT lie. I got my free DP in the mail-- a coupon-- not an actual bottle. So it worked. Well, I assume it will. It's still crumpled up in my coat pocket waiting for just the right moment.

-Wayne Coyne's film "Christmas on Mars" DID come to Pittsburgh for a short time, Dec. 19 & 20, courtesy of the Pittsburgh Filmmakers.

-Gisele and Tom Brady, according to his father and sister, did NOT get engaged.

-This is NOT what boobs are made for:

Hail to Pitt: To Be #1 in the Nation

2009-01-05T03:01:00.001-05:00

We already know that Pitt f'ing rocks, but they got a little bit cooler this evening when current #1 ranked UNC lost to BC. This good news-- coupled with #2 UConn's loss to #8 Gtown and Pitt's last night win over Gtown-- will propel Pitt (currently #3) to the top No. 1 spot in the NCAA's coaches poll.

Pitt has been ranked second before, but never No 1. In 2006-07, the Panthers were ranked No. 2 for two straight weeks. And that marked the first time since Jan. 28 , 2003.

Some song to celebrate:

80mL of Bella $48

2009-01-04T14:56:00.000-05:00

Mr. G

2009-01-02T03:01:00.000-05:00

I once had a musical director in high school named Mr. G. True story.

Watch the whole first episode, with Jonah and Ja'mie, here: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=18423606

Myocardial Infarcations Can't Stop Clarion Man from Discovering Self, Compact Discs, Synth Horns

2008-12-31T10:49:00.001-05:00

There are always some really great articles in the CLARION NEWS that epitomize this unfortunate PA county, but today when I glanced over the front page this one found a soft spot in my heart.

"'Annoying' heart attacks aside, Jack and his music are back"Jack Giering, a well-known local musician from the 1960s bands “The Plants” and “The Scarlet Pumpernickel,” survived five heart attacks during the past few years. The health crisis lead Giering to record a compact disc of his music

Giering, 61, ... had been forced to deal with -- as he calls it -- "the minor annoyance of five heart attacks." Doctors predicted his demise within six months....

"The doctors told me to crawl into a casket and wait. Well, I did the opposite."

"The doctors lied repeatedly when I looked at the obvious remaining blockage on the post-op photos and asked 'Why didn't you fix that?' They told me that it was of no consequence."

"I called my awesome family doctor -- Dr. Paul Hamm -- and I refused to go back to the doctors in Pittsburgh."

"They sent me to Passavant Hospital where the doctors sadly told me they didn't know how to fix my problem.... A young specialist, Dr. Maroquinn, spoke up and said that he was game to try to fix it if I was."

"He fixed my heart. Honestly at last. I started recording as soon as the open wound from the tracheotomy from my first heart attack healed and continued to the present between health crises."

Giering, self described as "tougher than a $2 steak," put to paper 112 original songs.

Eleven of those songs have been recorded and are now available on a compact disc entitled "Lone Wolf."

Giering said the genesis of "Lone Wolf" was his exposure to the "remarkable capabilities of keyboard and computer technology." Shortly thereafter, as someone familiar with Giering's skills and obsessions might have expected, he learned how to extract exquisite bass and horn sounds and the "soup stock" was started.

Zooey's gone...

2008-12-29T17:52:00.003-05:00

This is one of the saddest days of my post pre-pubescent life. Zooey Deschanel is now engaged. To Ben Gibbard. Damn him.

I should have picked up on the hints of this secret love, like back in August when Zoey & Ben formed an indie super-group at the Democratic National Convention with Jenny Lewis, et al.

I haven't seen what Ben Gibbard looks like since 2006 Bonnaroo, and I didn't even recognize him. Facial hair and thick glasses. Totally copied me, Asshole. Zooey, you must have confused this happy guitar player with yours truly.

She and Him should not be

It should be me

New Old Arcade Fire: Free mp3

2008-12-28T12:37:00.003-05:00

I'm really curious about who really won the Schiavo Legacy. Anyone have this issue

for all yo hip folk, yinz will like this instrumental of a song called "Burning Bridges" that, according to Stereogum, Arcade Fire supposedly played during their Funeral tour -- i only saw the Neon Bible tour (what what columbo!)-- but it's from the Neon Bible archives, which I don't really get ... what are the Neon Bible archives? Did Win Butler just name his personal music library that. Why is he obsessed with neon Bibles.

anyway here it is : http://www.miroir-noir.com/download/ you have to giv'em your e-mail. (a live version with singing n'at is here)

Stereogum makes a good point that Win probably released only an instrumental version so it could be easily mashed-up with Beyonce. (like w/Fleet Foxes here; or w/Tom Petty here) I think it would be better mashed with Pittsburgh Slim.

Bowie & Bing Crosby pa-rum-pa-pum-puming

2008-12-27T03:00:00.002-05:00

Chinese are Awesome

2008-12-26T22:10:00.003-05:00

I just found something 1 trillion times better than that last post:

1. 3000 Chinese Students cheering for the Steelers

2. 6th grade Chinese class wishing America a Merry Christmas

2008-12-26T21:46:00.003-05:00

Tom Brady to Wed Gisele Bundchen. What a douche; I hate him more now.
Sarah Palin New Calendar on Sale. Get 'em while they're hot.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T11:43:00.002-05:00

someone complained about the lack of trashiness lately.

2008-12-24T17:32:00.000-05:00

I heard this for the first time today while listening to NPR on my drive home for Christmas: Ode to Christmas. It made me smile.

2008-12-24T04:59:00.000-05:00

I am a sick man. ... I am a spiteful man.

2008-12-23T20:54:00.000-05:00

A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.

New Mactop

2008-12-22T22:13:00.001-05:00

I'm on dis new macbook of mine (white 13.3" 2.2 GHz Core 2 Duo processor, 4 GB RAM, 120 GB HD to be specific) and the first thing I notice -- besides that it rocks -- is that the headlines of this blog for some reason look a lot different on a mac. On my old Dell, they were jagged and badass. Now they look are cutesy and curvy. I'm not happy about it.

So, anyway, i guess that's all i have to say. Oh, #3 Famous (really famous) People Celebrating Xmas:
The Obamas, America's new favorite family, are celebrating in style in Hawaii.

This is so un-American. Where's the snow? Where's Santa? Where's baby Jesus?

This is very American. Look how a biracial family can succeed and ... wait... when did they get an Asian daughter.

SIXTEEN New Reality Shows on MTV by 5/09

2008-12-21T23:34:00.001-05:00

When I saw the headline claiming MTV plans 16 new reality shows in the next 4.5 months, my jaw dropped to the floor -- in a good way. Cancel my spring semester; I'm not going to be leaving my 24" zenith for awhile. This is so awesome. This is exactly what I need, what every young adult needs, what AMERICA needs! This might be the greatest news I've heard ... at least during all of today. I didn't even bother reading the details to see what the new shows are going to be. I'm just assuming The Hills cast is in all of them. Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

#2 Famous (sort of) People Celebrating Xmas

2008-12-20T03:00:00.002-05:00

Marquette Basketball Team

I hate Marquette by the way; I'm glad they lost to Tennessee a couple days ago. James is a total dick. Pitt is still undefeated, ranked #3 in the nation. Which reminds me, I wonder what our favorite team member Austin Wallace is up to these days...

...according to facebook...

Austin is saying im tired of hearing all this he said, she said shit, unless he said, she said she on my DICK!!! 3:36pm

I couldn't have put it any better myself.

FOTC Season 2: Episode 1

2008-12-19T03:00:00.001-05:00

Season 2 Online Premiere - Flight of the Conchords (US Only)

The quality is OK, not hulu.com standards (and can only be seen in the US, sorry France). I thought the episode was good, not great. I'm prepared to be let down from last season. What is that effect called when you remember things being a lot greater than they actually were? I think I have that. But able to recognize. So then I guess it's not that. Whatever.

Windows Me

2008-12-18T14:03:00.002-05:00

I can't update anything cool while I'm here at my parents because this comp freezes a)every time I press play on any youtube video b)randomly when it decides I've had enough fun on the internet (AKA more than 10 mins of use)

I tried installing a wireless router yesterday so I could use either of the two BRAND NEW laptops they just bought; but, imagine this, it can't be installed on a Windows ME OS. Who still runs on Windows ME??? It was released for like 4 months in 1999 and immediately replaced because it sucked so bad. I just wikied it and "A PC World article dubbed Windows Me the 'Mistake Edition' and placed it 4th in their 'Worst Tech Product of All Time' feature."

This is why I'm leaving this house today. To return to the 21st century. Whoa, I can't believe I got through this post without the blue screen of

How to Celebrate Christmas

2008-12-16T18:34:00.003-05:00

I know you wonder, "How do famous people celebrate Christmas?" Well, I'm making it my duty to find out for the next week.

#1
Here is an excellent video about Barney, the Bush family's dog. Ohhh Barney! hahah! Ho Ho! HAHA!

Byron F Garcia

2008-12-15T21:26:00.002-05:00

Kanye Fails on SNL

2008-12-14T19:05:00.002-05:00

Last night on SNL, I guess Kanye's little auto-tuner thing-a-bobber didn't work, and he failed quite horribly. Kanye really sucks. I've seen my boy Reeves sing Billy Ray Cyrus on On-demand karaoke better than this performance. And for anybody out there that is thinking "I'd like to see you do better," well I can. I am 100% sure. proof

... AND as I'm posting this, The Pittsburgh Steelers just won the AFC North Conference Title!

Miss Russia Wins

2008-12-13T17:46:00.002-05:00

Twenty-one year old Ksenya Sukhinova won the Miss World 2008 contest today. That's right. Oh yeah. Russians rule. Sort of. Check out this sexy accent:

One time there was this crazy Russian girl I briefly met in Moscow who told me she wanted to live with me for 2 weeks over Christmas break. Some critics called it a pathetic "transatlantic booty call." I thought it would be the most hilarious thing I've ever done, so I helped her get a visa. She ended up backing out after I ignored her for a good month. oops.

But now she has a 2-year visa, my current and home address, phone number, and a strong desire to potentially stalk/marry/kill me. It's pretty rad, and that's why i like Russians. They don't fuck around.

Tom Cruise Sucks

2008-12-13T10:31:00.001-05:00

He's nominated for a Golden Globe for playing Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder? Anyone see that movie? Because I did, yesterday in fact, and I almost committed suicide. Cruise's character sucked. Comcast should have paid me to watch it. And I'm still having nightmarish flashbacks of Austin Powers in Goldmember.

Then I read this on E!:

"I've talked about doing different videos with the character," Cruise said. "I've started working with Ben [Stiller] on it, and we've kind of talked about different things to do. We were gonna do some in our free time, but we haven't found the free time…yet."

Hell no. Please, everyone, find a way to keep Tom Cruise busy for the rest of his life. Please, please, please. Operation Humble Cruise.

Shocking!

2008-12-12T11:03:00.002-05:00

Other cultures don't eat hamburgers.

I've never watched a video where I repeatedly went back-and-forth from thinking "this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen" to " wait, this is kind of awesome" as much as this one. I think I found my post-grad plans. Jona?

I wonder how much money they spent dressing those people in traditional garb.

Xmas Present

2008-12-12T09:39:00.002-05:00

I posted that last one too early in the morning, because later in the day this happened.

If you love me, you know what to do.
order here

I'm Back, I Missed You

2008-12-11T01:40:00.002-05:00

I'll be honest, I've been going through severe withdrawal. Blogging is clearly more addictive and potentially more destructive than any drugs Nancy Reagan will warn you about. And you know I've done them all. Please, I urge none of you to start.

After about a week off, I've done some real contemplation, and I'm not sure where this general blog is headed. Don't worry, I'll try to keep updating on the important things like Audrey O'Day, hipsters, and Russia. But perhaps you, the Celeblog Nation, deserve to hear a more real voice. A voice of truth. We're bombarded by morons like Kanye West, who declared himself last week "the voice of this generation." Well fuck him. I'm the voice now.

(Interjection:just received a text from COOLJ: "I am going to sleep bc i started to sing my god is an awessome god, and substituted cat for god" here's the song if you're not familiar, it's really god, er, good.)

So to start off my new voice-of-this-generation agenda, i give you ...

...another person's voice that is much more inspiring: late Carnegie Mellon University professor Randy Pausch's Last Lecture. Watch it when you have a free hour.

Ok, so maybe I should just stick with posting pictures of Victoria Secret butts and viral videos of cats eating spaghetti. It gets frustrating though. Especially today-- I'm sure you already know, there hasn't been anything good on the internet for the past week. So, this is what you get:

This abusable, molestable fembot is all over the news. This is fucked up. Should I be laughing at this?

Hey ladies! All My Children says man-thongs are in. Watch closely at :12

Man-Thong UPDATE:

What I like most is he "promises" that he "does not wear a thong." This is a strange promise to make, especially because promises in this tone are usually lies. I usually make similar, drunk promises like "I promise I won't drive home" or "I promise I'll pull out." What's more strange is that his promise/lie has no real reason behind it. My lies, on the other hand, usually revolve around tricking someone to sleep with me-- a worthy cause you'd all agree. But everyone knows that girls love thongs, so why would he deny wearing one? And why would he go as far as making a televised, verbal contract about it? And now that he has, what are the ramifications if he breaks this bond of trust with Barabara Walters?!

To be honest, I liked him better we he did wear a thong-- whoever he is. But after this masculine-reaffirming promise/lie, one thing we do know about him is that he's a real man's man. That's why he's on day-time soaps, for the poontang obvi.

here are more great men of tv:

Intro Paragraph: Paper 8 of 8

2008-12-10T05:10:00.001-05:00

XXXX XXXXXXX

Unit 10

Natural Lovins and Generation NEXT (not the MTV show)

The fight is set. In the blue corner, the defending RMI environmentalist and Harvard snob, Amorrrrrrry LOVINS et al.! In the red corner, yet another contributor to The Atlantic Monthly, McDonough & Braungart! Both ecofriendly warriors are ready to fight till the death. Who will come out on top? Will Amory capitalize on his sexy, sleek, aerodynamic, lightweight, hybrid plug-in rhetoric? Will McDonough & Braungart be literally Feelin' the Lovins Tonight? Or will the Next big Revolution turn out to be eco-effectuve boys promising to leave behind absolutely zero-- not a single body part-- of harmful waste after pulverizing the enemy? Stay-tuned to find out who's radical economic overhaul wins in the following 6 double-spaced pages of text.

Works Cited

Lovins A, Lovins LH, Hawken P (1999) "A Road Map for Natural Capitalism" Harvard Business Review. May/June.

McDonough W, Braungart M (1998) "The NEXT Industrial Revolution" The Atlantic Monthly. October.

brb

2008-12-06T15:32:00.003-05:00

Because Arianna Huffington's Face is Making This Page Ugly

2008-12-05T03:00:00.002-05:00

hmm, there's 1 zillion new photos everywhere of Heidi... err... girl i promised-not-to-speak-of-again...um, i guess i'll just go with current Hottest Girl on Earth (and orlando bloom's gf) Amanda Kerr:

And more importantly I introduce to you, her caudal region:

Arianna Huffington Has the Most Annoying Accent in America

2008-12-04T14:32:00.002-05:00

... and that's coming from a guy who has a penchant for Eastern Europeans. But seriously, thank God she only communicates in written form on the huffington post, or I'd slice her vocal chords. It seems to me like she's trying very hard to sound that freaking stupid; she's been living in the States for like 30 years; I know she can learn; it's pretentious.

I really liked how Jon insulted her continuously throughout the interview last night. Oh yeah, don't buy her book about blogging either, she doesn't know what she's talking about. Buy my book instead: How to Get Laid Every Night of the Week and Still Have Time to Update Your Blog. You know I know.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Arianna Huffington

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

That said, I read the the huffington post everyday; it's an excellent up-to-date American blog-news source to offset the drudgereport.

New Brit Brit "Circus" Vid Leaks... Thank You China

2008-12-04T00:00:00.002-05:00

I know you all care about this a lot.

It loads slow. But definitely worth it.
why am i even pretending. i haven't even attempted to watch it myself.

UPDATE better non-korean hosted:

Elvis to Interview Famous People that Play Famous Music

2008-12-03T09:57:00.002-05:00

They've been hyping this thing for awhile now, but finally tonight on the Sundance Channel Elvis Costello premieres his new talk-show. Elvis knows a bunch of famous music people, so they'll all be there, like The Velvet Underground's Lou Reed who (rumor has it) has resorted to naming up and coming Nashville bands part-time to make ends meet (see The Deep Vibration).

The show has gotten some mixed reviews, and I don't get the Sundance Channel, and I doubt none of you do either unless you're a lot more hip than me, but I also doubt that too, so, I guess we'll never know for sure... hulu?

UPDATE:

Some good collaborative noise:

"Writing is writing. You're God when you're writing..."

First Drafts

BROOKLYN Goes Hard

2008-12-02T18:24:00.002-05:00

Check dis bad azz vid by Ethan my boy over at Free Art & Technology; it even has its own source code. It was part of a [Red]wire project... spread the wurd about AIDS in Africa.

In What-To-Get-Me-For-Xmas News....

I present to you, the Hood Thong:
This would be a good addition to the hood tank-top i already own.

Custom orders can be made here. May I suggest a NEIL CELEB GOSSIP RULZ embroidery from butt-crack to brain-case request.
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Dec 1: New Spaghetti Cat

2008-12-01T17:34:00.001-05:00

The new Spaghetti Cat is everywhere today:

Original Spaghetti Cat:

Spaghetti Baby:

Spaghetti Dog:

Hipsters Win Again: American Apparel Named Label of the Year

2008-11-29T22:37:00.003-05:00

British newspaper The Guardian named American Apparel 2008's label of the year. AA is one of those things that I hated at first, then learned to like more over time. Not that I own very much AA, because I don't at all. But because they promote free trade and have awesome ads.

"...starkly lit, un-retouched pictures of pretty boys and girls, contorted into positions that suggest yoga and outlandish sex. The very latest of these - an internet ad which shows a model unzipping a yellow body suit to expose what can only be described as 'a lot of nipple'."

Well, you can count on me to find any nipple on the internet, because after working my magic I found this nipply ad. Check it out here: http://debauchette.com/2008/11/a-few-changes/ it's on the right.

.<>.<>.<>.

Should My New Pair of Glasses Look Like This?:

2008-11-29T22:06:00.003-05:00

http://www.aesthetictheory.com/clients/cardinals/ticketmaster/coffee_fixit.mov
if not, then what?
linked comments appreciated.
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Because I'm Trying to Turn This into an Aubrey O'Day Fan/Porn Site...

2008-11-28T20:34:00.002-05:00

I'm starting to like Aub-Aubz even if she still has those terrible roots. She volunteered yesterday serving Thanksgiving meals to the homeless in New York City. Which is a good start, but even better is that she posed for Playboy this week too! And judging by the last photo shoot by Complex Magazine, this is going to be good... and by good, I mean the most self-demeaning sluttiness I've-ever-seen good.

Playboy hasn't told me when the new Aubz sluttiness will be out, but here's some of the old sluttiness to hold you over in the meantime. God, I love her. Oh! there's supposed to be cats in the photo shoot. i heard they're lionz or somethin. whatever. girls with cats are hot. especially naked ones. or with Mexican food.

Twilight MAAAANNNNIIIIAAAAAA!

2008-11-25T18:00:00.003-05:00

I know you've seen Twilight at least once by now, if not 10 or 15 times, and are totally caught up in the mania. I, however, am truly bothered by this film because it teaches teenage girls to not have sex, and instead wait for true love. COME ON, I'm struggling as it is!

In the movie, Edward tells Bella to not move when he kisses her; otherwise, he won't be able to resist his vampire, blood-drinking predisposition and will suck the living bejesus out of her (he's a practicing vegetarian vampire by the way). Why don't they just DO IT already!

This "waiting for true love" theme is not what we need to instill into young girls' minds. I think we all know that true love does not exist -- i mean, I'm not even sure if sober sex exists. Do we really want our future daughters waiting around for their chaste, knight in shining armor to stroll up on his (or her) white horse? Do we really want them to be single and unhappy forever?

What we should tell them is to try and find an intelligent, funny, not-utterly-tragic-looking college boy who is willing to buy them dinner every once in awhile in exchange for true love making. (ahem)

When looking up to the best role models in our current society -- the celeb -- it's clear that true love does not exist. But that hasn't stopped Heidi Montag and that guy with the blond beard from The Hills to elope this past weekend.

I hate them both. I hope to never bring their names up again, but this gives me an excuse to post pictures of Heidi in a bikini:

Things from All Over Pittsburgh

2008-11-24T21:02:00.002-05:00

1.The most losingest MLB team in histroy, the Pittsburgh Pirates, hit a new low today by signing two Indians to their pitching staff who won a throwing contest in their homeland. I'm not even fucking kidding; it was called the "Million Dollar Arm" contest. The two winners threw the most pitches at least 85 mph inside the strike zone. This is the most embarrassing Pirate news I've heard... since .... earlier this season when they became the most losingest team in MLB history. Go Buccos!

2. The Pitt Basketball team moved up two spots to #4 in the nation, leaving 3 of the top 4 teams from the Big East. We are so bad ass.

3. The one-time showing of Mysteries of Pittsburgh premiered Sunday night at the Regent Square Theatre, ending the Three Rivers Film Festival. It sold out quick, and over 150 people were turned away. There were mixed reviews, because get this: the director changed the book's story around, can you believe that?! Unheard of.

4. Contrary to popular belief, Pittsburghers like art & culture more than sports. In a study among 14 similar cities, Pgh also ranked as one of the safest, but that doesn't make up for having one of the biggest populations of impoverished children. :( Poor Creaty.

5. Girltalk came to Pittsburgh on Saturday. Young girls across the region dolled themselves up in glitter, brightly colored headbands, and slutty things from American Apparel before forcing their significant others to join in on the underage grind-fest.

Girltalk, whose real name is Greg Gillis, is a native of Pittsburgh, has a house in Polish Hill, and dates a girl named Kendall. My very reliable source, simply known as CoolJ, told me, "Yeah, she is pretty cool. She works/ed at Remedy. She has a dance night."

Reports from my other sources (AKA facebook albums) indicate that everyone was really wasted and sweaty at the concert. When interviewing one anonymous girl who attended, she said, "There was a lot of Steelers stuff. I don't remember really, I think I drank too much."

The Onion: 26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving

2008-11-24T14:46:00.002-05:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/26_year_old_to_see_every_asshole

"Katie Reynolds will probably come up and give me a big hug like we're the best of friends, even though she never once talked to me during school, and pretty much acted like I was invisible the whole time," McCabe said. "Boy, I can't wait to hug that bitch again."

I think Thanksgiving eve is going to be my lucky night this year. During ALF I got a good long hug from my 1st grade teacher. What's next? 2nd grade? Guidance Counselor? The hot dark haired student teacher from 9th grade English who's now pregnant, but single, and substitute teaches 2 days a week?! Man, the possibilities ...

Andrew Bird Announces Tour; "Noble Beast" due out Jan. 20

2008-11-24T00:31:00.002-05:00

OK this is 4 days old,
But it has to be said,
According to Pitchfork Media and Fat Possum:

He's scheduled for the Carnegie Music Hall... in New York, not Pittsburgh, which makes me sad but proud. Pittsburgh's a good tour stop for the upcoming musician; when they get bigger they stop coming; then when they're really big they come back... well, most of the time (I'm still waiting for The Click Five to come back). Last fall, I enjoyed falling asleep (in the best way possible) to Bird's 3.5 hour performance in Carnegie Music Hall, but it looks like this year I'll be making a trip to see my bro.

Although I have a lot of excellent help, I’m producing my own record here, from microphone placement to deciding when to break for lunch. There’s a reason for the division of labor that was once the norm in the recording industry, where the producer took care of the details and delegation -- even song choice -- so that the musicians could just focus on performing. I’d love to be coddled and just walk on to a soundstage and do my job, but I’m afraid that relinquishing control would ultimately result in a limiting of imagination.

Read the rest from a rather interesting NY Times blog entry where Bird describes the recording process done at the Wilco Loft. But you probably already have, since it's 6 months old. I know, this post is not news; it's mostly for my own blog-masturbation-- the same reason why you mental-masturbate by doing cross word puzzles everyday, to fulfill the Freudian void. F@#k Freud, I do what I want. Freaking coke addict.

Free Dr. Pepper!

2008-11-23T16:18:00.000-05:00

Thank Axl Rose for a free Dr. Pepper today. Dr. Pepper promised America free DPs for everyone if Guns N'Roses released their album "Chinese Democracy" before the end of this year. Well they did, so go to DrPepper.com to retrieve your coupon after registering.

Axl Rose has been working on this CD for 15 years; he must be the laziest musician ever. I can't stand Guns N'Roses because they inspired things like Nickleback, but today I don't hate Axl Rose because he might be the reason why I can afford to drink something other than tap water.

UPDATE:
Every American right now is also trying to get their free, caffeinated sugar, so DP's servers have crashed with all the traffic. I've been clicking the refresh button since 10am. Dr Pepper lied. There's no free DP. I now hate Axl Rose and his dumb lazy band.

UPDATE II:
This website is faster & better: http://www.drpepper.com/freeDrPepper/index.php (or http://www.drpepper.com/freeDrPepper/address.php) (or http://www.drpepper.com/freeDrPepper/?icamp=hp_dpfree_coupon)

It worked for me. But I still hate Axl Rose because I won't be receiving the coupon until 4-6 weeks. WHAT THE HELL!? I'm driving to CVS.

I Feel For You David Archuleta Fans

2008-11-23T01:55:00.003-05:00

I admit, I have no idea who David Archuleta is, and I really don't care. This footage is about 6 months old; nonetheless, the hilarity of crying 11 year olds is worth being shown to you: