Rihanna Herpes, Rihanna Bruises


... when those are the two related search results that first come up when you're googled, you know you need a life change.

Ok, so before last week when she got bitch slapped by chris brown, or whoever, the only thing i knew about Rihanna was that she strategically releases an annoying hip-hop song at the beginning of every summer so she can dominate the charts 'at da club' may-aug. I also knew she sings about umbrellas a lot. and i knew that her voice might be the most monotonal voice in hip-hop ever.

that's actually a lot more than i knew about chris brown. i knew he's a really good dancer, i guess. I couldn't name a single song of his.

ok, so, naturally since i'm a huge fan, i'm REALLLY REALLLY interested in this whole beat da girlfriend fiasco at the Grammys. so much that i did a google search just a couple of secs ago and found all this out in 3 mins:

-the above pic of her spilling camel toe
-she maybe got herpes from chris
-she might have already had herpes from jay z
-jay z essentially said that he was going to kick chris' ass
-chris gave a public apology where he mostly just talked about facebook and how it's bad because it spreads rumors


that's it. that's the whole story. amazing huh? i think that's way more than n e 1 should ever need to know about rihanna and chris, or whoever they are.

there B Vilar, can't believe i just wrote that shit. what a waste of fucking time. wonder what Aubz is up to...

2 comments:

beth said...

thanks neil, clearly you didn't see this-
http://img.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/a1072__oPt.jpg
also, when the story first came out, the term "pimp-slapped" was used, thought you would like that. "He pimp-slapped her and punched her in the face." (rihanna's friend supposedly told US weekly)

Neil said...

of course i saw it.

p.s. never post a link to perezhilton again

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