There are always some really great articles in the CLARION NEWS that epitomize this unfortunate PA county, but today when I glanced over the front page this one found a soft spot in my heart.

"'Annoying' heart attacks aside, Jack and his music are back"Jack Giering, a well-known local musician from the 1960s bands “The Plants” and “The Scarlet Pumpernickel,” survived five heart attacks during the past few years. The health crisis lead Giering to record a compact disc of his music

Giering, 61, ... had been forced to deal with -- as he calls it -- "the minor annoyance of five heart attacks." Doctors predicted his demise within six months....

"The doctors told me to crawl into a casket and wait. Well, I did the opposite."

"The doctors lied repeatedly when I looked at the obvious remaining blockage on the post-op photos and asked 'Why didn't you fix that?' They told me that it was of no consequence."

"I called my awesome family doctor -- Dr. Paul Hamm -- and I refused to go back to the doctors in Pittsburgh."

"They sent me to Passavant Hospital where the doctors sadly told me they didn't know how to fix my problem.... A young specialist, Dr. Maroquinn, spoke up and said that he was game to try to fix it if I was."

"He fixed my heart. Honestly at last. I started recording as soon as the open wound from the tracheotomy from my first heart attack healed and continued to the present between health crises."

Giering, self described as "tougher than a $2 steak," put to paper 112 original songs.

Eleven of those songs have been recorded and are now available on a compact disc entitled "Lone Wolf."

Giering said the genesis of "Lone Wolf" was his exposure to the "remarkable capabilities of keyboard and computer technology." Shortly thereafter, as someone familiar with Giering's skills and obsessions might have expected, he learned how to extract exquisite bass and horn sounds and the "soup stock" was started.

Zooey's gone...



This is one of the saddest days of my post pre-pubescent life. Zooey Deschanel is now engaged. To Ben Gibbard. Damn him.

I should have picked up on the hints of this secret love, like back in August when Zoey & Ben formed an indie super-group at the Democratic National Convention with Jenny Lewis, et al.



I haven't seen what Ben Gibbard looks like since 2006 Bonnaroo, and I didn't even recognize him. Facial hair and thick glasses. Totally copied me, Asshole. Zooey, you must have confused this happy guitar player with yours truly.

She and Him should not be
It should be me






New Old Arcade Fire: Free mp3

I'm really curious about who really won the Schiavo Legacy. Anyone have this issue

for all yo hip folk, yinz will like this instrumental of a song called "Burning Bridges" that, according to Stereogum, Arcade Fire supposedly played during their Funeral tour -- i only saw the Neon Bible tour (what what columbo!)-- but it's from the Neon Bible archives, which I don't really get ... what are the Neon Bible archives? Did Win Butler just name his personal music library that. Why is he obsessed with neon Bibles.

anyway here it is : http://www.miroir-noir.com/download/ you have to giv'em your e-mail. (a live version with singing n'at is here)

Stereogum makes a good point that Win probably released only an instrumental version so it could be easily mashed-up with Beyonce. (like w/Fleet Foxes here; or w/Tom Petty here) I think it would be better mashed with Pittsburgh Slim.

Bowie & Bing Crosby pa-rum-pa-pum-puming

Chinese are Awesome

I just found something 1 trillion times better than that last post:

1. 3000 Chinese Students cheering for the Steelers


2. 6th grade Chinese class wishing America a Merry Christmas
Tom Brady to Wed Gisele Bundchen. What a douche; I hate him more now.
Sarah Palin New Calendar on Sale. Get 'em while they're hot.




Merry Christmas



someone complained about the lack of trashiness lately.

I heard this for the first time today while listening to NPR on my drive home for Christmas: Ode to Christmas. It made me smile.

I am a sick man. ... I am a spiteful man.

A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.

New Mactop

I'm on dis new macbook of mine (white 13.3" 2.2 GHz Core 2 Duo processor, 4 GB RAM, 120 GB HD to be specific) and the first thing I notice -- besides that it rocks -- is that the headlines of this blog for some reason look a lot different on a mac. On my old Dell, they were jagged and badass. Now they look are cutesy and curvy. I'm not happy about it.

So, anyway, i guess that's all i have to say. Oh, #3 Famous (really famous) People Celebrating Xmas:
The Obamas, America's new favorite family, are celebrating in style in Hawaii.

This is so un-American. Where's the snow? Where's Santa? Where's baby Jesus?

This is very American. Look how a biracial family can succeed and ... wait... when did they get an Asian daughter.

SIXTEEN New Reality Shows on MTV by 5/09

When I saw the headline claiming MTV plans 16 new reality shows in the next 4.5 months, my jaw dropped to the floor -- in a good way. Cancel my spring semester; I'm not going to be leaving my 24" zenith for awhile. This is so awesome. This is exactly what I need, what every young adult needs, what AMERICA needs! This might be the greatest news I've heard ... at least during all of today. I didn't even bother reading the details to see what the new shows are going to be. I'm just assuming The Hills cast is in all of them. Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

#2 Famous (sort of) People Celebrating Xmas

Marquette Basketball Team

I hate Marquette by the way; I'm glad they lost to Tennessee a couple days ago. James is a total dick. Pitt is still undefeated, ranked #3 in the nation. Which reminds me, I wonder what our favorite team member Austin Wallace is up to these days...

...according to facebook...

Austin is saying im tired of hearing all this he said, she said shit, unless he said, she said she on my DICK!!! 3:36pm

I couldn't have put it any better myself.

FOTC Season 2: Episode 1



The quality is OK, not hulu.com standards (and can only be seen in the US, sorry France). I thought the episode was good, not great. I'm prepared to be let down from last season. What is that effect called when you remember things being a lot greater than they actually were? I think I have that. But able to recognize. So then I guess it's not that. Whatever.

Windows Me

I can't update anything cool while I'm here at my parents because this comp freezes a)every time I press play on any youtube video b)randomly when it decides I've had enough fun on the internet (AKA more than 10 mins of use)

I tried installing a wireless router yesterday so I could use either of the two BRAND NEW laptops they just bought; but, imagine this, it can't be installed on a Windows ME OS. Who still runs on Windows ME??? It was released for like 4 months in 1999 and immediately replaced because it sucked so bad. I just wikied it and "A PC World article dubbed Windows Me the 'Mistake Edition' and placed it 4th in their 'Worst Tech Product of All Time' feature."

This is why I'm leaving this house today. To return to the 21st century. Whoa, I can't believe I got through this post without the blue screen of

How to Celebrate Christmas

I know you wonder, "How do famous people celebrate Christmas?" Well, I'm making it my duty to find out for the next week.

#1
Here is an excellent video about Barney, the Bush family's dog. Ohhh Barney! hahah! Ho Ho! HAHA!

Byron F Garcia






Kanye Fails on SNL



Last night on SNL, I guess Kanye's little auto-tuner thing-a-bobber didn't work, and he failed quite horribly. Kanye really sucks. I've seen my boy Reeves sing Billy Ray Cyrus on On-demand karaoke better than this performance. And for anybody out there that is thinking "I'd like to see you do better," well I can. I am 100% sure. proof




... AND as I'm posting this, The Pittsburgh Steelers just won the AFC North Conference Title!

Miss Russia Wins

Twenty-one year old Ksenya Sukhinova won the Miss World 2008 contest today. That's right. Oh yeah. Russians rule. Sort of. Check out this sexy accent:



One time there was this crazy Russian girl I briefly met in Moscow who told me she wanted to live with me for 2 weeks over Christmas break. Some critics called it a pathetic "transatlantic booty call." I thought it would be the most hilarious thing I've ever done, so I helped her get a visa. She ended up backing out after I ignored her for a good month. oops.

But now she has a 2-year visa, my current and home address, phone number, and a strong desire to potentially stalk/marry/kill me. It's pretty rad, and that's why i like Russians. They don't fuck around.

He's nominated for a Golden Globe for playing Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder? Anyone see that movie? Because I did, yesterday in fact, and I almost committed suicide. Cruise's character sucked. Comcast should have paid me to watch it. And I'm still having nightmarish flashbacks of Austin Powers in Goldmember.

Then I read this on E!:

"I've talked about doing different videos with the character," Cruise said. "I've started working with Ben [Stiller] on it, and we've kind of talked about different things to do. We were gonna do some in our free time, but we haven't found the free time…yet."

Hell no. Please, everyone, find a way to keep Tom Cruise busy for the rest of his life. Please, please, please. Operation Humble Cruise.

Shocking!



Other cultures don't eat hamburgers.

I've never watched a video where I repeatedly went back-and-forth from thinking "this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen" to " wait, this is kind of awesome" as much as this one. I think I found my post-grad plans. Jona?

I wonder how much money they spent dressing those people in traditional garb.

I posted that last one too early in the morning, because later in the day this happened.

If you love me, you know what to do.
order here

I'm Back, I Missed You

I'll be honest, I've been going through severe withdrawal. Blogging is clearly more addictive and potentially more destructive than any drugs Nancy Reagan will warn you about. And you know I've done them all. Please, I urge none of you to start.

After about a week off, I've done some real contemplation, and I'm not sure where this general blog is headed. Don't worry, I'll try to keep updating on the important things like Audrey O'Day, hipsters, and Russia. But perhaps you, the Celeblog Nation, deserve to hear a more real voice. A voice of truth. We're bombarded by morons like Kanye West, who declared himself last week "the voice of this generation." Well fuck him. I'm the voice now.

(Interjection:just received a text from COOLJ: "I am going to sleep bc i started to sing my god is an awessome god, and substituted cat for god" here's the song if you're not familiar, it's really god, er, good.)

So to start off my new voice-of-this-generation agenda, i give you ...

...another person's voice that is much more inspiring: late Carnegie Mellon University professor Randy Pausch's Last Lecture. Watch it when you have a free hour.

Ok, so maybe I should just stick with posting pictures of Victoria Secret butts and viral videos of cats eating spaghetti. It gets frustrating though. Especially today-- I'm sure you already know, there hasn't been anything good on the internet for the past week. So, this is what you get:

This abusable, molestable fembot is all over the news. This is fucked up. Should I be laughing at this?


Hey ladies! All My Children says man-thongs are in. Watch closely at :12


Man-Thong UPDATE:

What I like most is he "promises" that he "does not wear a thong." This is a strange promise to make, especially because promises in this tone are usually lies. I usually make similar, drunk promises like "I promise I won't drive home" or "I promise I'll pull out." What's more strange is that his promise/lie has no real reason behind it. My lies, on the other hand, usually revolve around tricking someone to sleep with me-- a worthy cause you'd all agree. But everyone knows that girls love thongs, so why would he deny wearing one? And why would he go as far as making a televised, verbal contract about it? And now that he has, what are the ramifications if he breaks this bond of trust with Barabara Walters?!

To be honest, I liked him better we he did wear a thong-- whoever he is. But after this masculine-reaffirming promise/lie, one thing we do know about him is that he's a real man's man. That's why he's on day-time soaps, for the poontang obvi.

here are more great men of tv:





Intro Paragraph: Paper 8 of 8

XXXX XXXXXXX

Unit 10

Natural Lovins and Generation NEXT (not the MTV show)

The fight is set. In the blue corner, the defending RMI environmentalist and Harvard snob, Amorrrrrrry LOVINS et al.! In the red corner, yet another contributor to The Atlantic Monthly, McDonough & Braungart! Both ecofriendly warriors are ready to fight till the death. Who will come out on top? Will Amory capitalize on his sexy, sleek, aerodynamic, lightweight, hybrid plug-in rhetoric? Will McDonough & Braungart be literally Feelin' the Lovins Tonight? Or will the Next big Revolution turn out to be eco-effectuve boys promising to leave behind absolutely zero-- not a single body part-- of harmful waste after pulverizing the enemy? Stay-tuned to find out who's radical economic overhaul wins in the following 6 double-spaced pages of text.



Works Cited
Lovins A, Lovins LH, Hawken P (1999) "A Road Map for Natural Capitalism" Harvard Business Review. May/June.
McDonough W, Braungart M (1998) "The NEXT Industrial Revolution" The Atlantic Monthly. October.

brb

hmm, there's 1 zillion new photos everywhere of Heidi... err... girl i promised-not-to-speak-of-again...um, i guess i'll just go with current Hottest Girl on Earth (and orlando bloom's gf) Amanda Kerr:


And more importantly I introduce to you, her caudal region:

... and that's coming from a guy who has a penchant for Eastern Europeans. But seriously, thank God she only communicates in written form on the huffington post, or I'd slice her vocal chords. It seems to me like she's trying very hard to sound that freaking stupid; she's been living in the States for like 30 years; I know she can learn; it's pretentious.

I really liked how Jon insulted her continuously throughout the interview last night. Oh yeah, don't buy her book about blogging either, she doesn't know what she's talking about. Buy my book instead: How to Get Laid Every Night of the Week and Still Have Time to Update Your Blog. You know I know.



That said, I read the the huffington post everyday; it's an excellent up-to-date American blog-news source to offset the drudgereport.
I know you all care about this a lot.

It loads slow. But definitely worth it.
why am i even pretending. i haven't even attempted to watch it myself.


UPDATE better non-korean hosted:


They've been hyping this thing for awhile now, but finally tonight on the Sundance Channel Elvis Costello premieres his new talk-show. Elvis knows a bunch of famous music people, so they'll all be there, like The Velvet Underground's Lou Reed who (rumor has it) has resorted to naming up and coming Nashville bands part-time to make ends meet (see The Deep Vibration).

The show has gotten some mixed reviews, and I don't get the Sundance Channel, and I doubt none of you do either unless you're a lot more hip than me, but I also doubt that too, so, I guess we'll never know for sure... hulu?

UPDATE:

Some good collaborative noise:


"Writing is writing. You're God when you're writing..."

First Drafts


BROOKLYN Goes Hard

Check dis bad azz vid by Ethan my boy over at Free Art & Technology; it even has its own source code. It was part of a [Red]wire project... spread the wurd about AIDS in Africa.



In What-To-Get-Me-For-Xmas News....

I present to you, the Hood Thong:
This would be a good addition to the hood tank-top i already own.

Custom orders can be made here. May I suggest a NEIL CELEB GOSSIP RULZ embroidery from butt-crack to brain-case request.
><>< ><>< ><><

Dec 1: New Spaghetti Cat

The new Spaghetti Cat is everywhere today:


Original Spaghetti Cat:



Spaghetti Baby:























Spaghetti Dog:
British newspaper The Guardian named American Apparel 2008's label of the year. AA is one of those things that I hated at first, then learned to like more over time. Not that I own very much AA, because I don't at all. But because they promote free trade and have awesome ads.

"...starkly lit, un-retouched pictures of pretty boys and girls, contorted into positions that suggest yoga and outlandish sex. The very latest of these - an internet ad which shows a model unzipping a yellow body suit to expose what can only be described as 'a lot of nipple'."

Well, you can count on me to find any nipple on the internet, because after working my magic I found this nipply ad. Check it out here: http://debauchette.com/2008/11/a-few-changes/ it's on the right.

.<>.<>.<>.
http://www.aesthetictheory.com/clients/cardinals/ticketmaster/coffee_fixit.mov
if not, then what?
linked comments appreciated.
>>>
><>>
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I'm starting to like Aub-Aubz even if she still has those terrible roots. She volunteered yesterday serving Thanksgiving meals to the homeless in New York City. Which is a good start, but even better is that she posed for Playboy this week too! And judging by the last photo shoot by Complex Magazine, this is going to be good... and by good, I mean the most self-demeaning sluttiness I've-ever-seen good.

Playboy hasn't told me when the new Aubz sluttiness will be out, but here's some of the old sluttiness to hold you over in the meantime. God, I love her. Oh! there's supposed to be cats in the photo shoot. i heard they're lionz or somethin. whatever. girls with cats are hot. especially naked ones. or with Mexican food.






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